Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » First One=)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

5/8/2012 10:16:11 PM Anya Chebukina Posts: 1	Thunder roaring Lightning blazing Rain falling Sky rolling The streets are bare The shops are closed The windows shut The doors wont open A single girl Hiding in her room A single candle burning bright A single hope Being sent out into the storm. The night went on And the thunder went on roaring The lightning went on blazing The rain went on falling The sky went on rolling The little girl fell asleep at the window The candle died out after all that time The hope sent out into the storm showing its work, one by one The thunder stopped roaring The lightning stopped blazing The rains stopped falling The sky stopped rolling Moments went by and the sky was blue Moments went by and the sun came out Moments went by the bird songs began Moments went by and the little girl woke up Moments went by and hopes work was done Moments went by
	• permalink • reply with quote
5/10/2012 8:02:54 AM Nathan D. Posts: 7	the repative nature of the poem make its monotonous instead of enjoyable. the poem itself its about the change that hope brings and yet you make no ovature to describe what brought about the change or how hope had triphumant which is far more interesting then the metaphoric sky with its changing wheather
	• permalink • reply with quote