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Forum Home » High Critique » First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

4/24/2012 4:54:16 AM George Cavitt Posts: 3	Her name hailed from Irish saints, established by God The sun was her maid, its' flames A reflection of her beauty Besotted Poseidon took refuge in her eyes When Caesar gazed at her smile, he refused to cast the die Her will toppled tyrants and ascended kings Words lost meaning through her touch For it possessed its own language Now only silence remains; unable to hear her touch The blight within having destroyed what she once embodied Now imagination is all that gives life to the caress of her lips Dreams, the only way I can feel her warmth beside me Though she fades in graves of dirt Her enchantment shall be made immortal In the confines of my memories. edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/24/2012 edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/25/2012
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5/8/2012 3:49:25 PM Kara McLain Posts: 7	very adequate. all though i feel as if lines 7, 9, and13 ends are very abrupt. the last words of these lines dont seem to give off the same feel as the rest. Just give it a thought. very well done
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5/10/2012 8:12:08 AM Nathan D. Posts: 7	though i enjoy the overall concept of your poem and many verses in it, i feel as if it lacks true rythem and flow. the ending was fanstatic though.
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