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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

3/10/2012 4:05:37 AM

Gail DeBole
Posts: 2

Hello!

I have been writing poetry since I was a youth, but have not had my poetry critiqued in many years. It's always an ego-boost when I receive a positive comment because it means a great deal to me to see that there are people enjoying and gaining value from my poetry, but I am really interested in how you think I can improve on my poetry, as well. Thank you ahead of time for any constructive feedback you leave me on any of my poetry.

Here is one in particular that I would like constructive criticism for.

The Ouija Spelled Life Written March 8, 2012

Death mixed with morning rain and darkness,
Icy patches hidden on the pavement
Lived comfortably on the outside
As I rode along in my car
like the Planchette of a Ouija board.

Unaware that the power(s) that be
Were battling against each other
To push my car on the board to
Spell out either life or death,

My morning thoughts
Were interrupted
By a 360 spin faster than
The distance between
Two thoughts...

Ending up muffler-first gagged on
A snowbank with nothing,
No one around for miles.

I gazed at the three-lane
Highway where LIFE
Was spelled out this time,
And realized that
DEATH may have been on the
Board thirty minutes later
During a busier time.

Thirty minutes later
Found me talking
To a mechanic
Instead of my family talking
About me in the past tense
And trying to communicate with
Me through the Ouija board.

Death inefficiently cheated
Marked off on My To Do list
For the day.

How many more times will
I be able to mark that off?
Dare I ask the Ouija board
Knowingly sitting in the corner
Of my closet?
edited by gailde on 3/10/2012
edited by gailde on 3/10/2012

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