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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/26/2022 5:00:05 PM
Becky Forbes Posts: 1
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Special
I shouted to the sky I want to be SPECIAL The wind whispered back You already are No, No, You don’t see I replied, fist waving I want to be SPECIAL To more than just me I didn’t stop there I kept the rant going I want to be important I want to be seen I want fame and fortune And all that goes with it What do I do to make it happen What do I do to become a queen? The wind soft and gentle Waited with loving patience Waiting for my rant to end She ever so gently caressed my face The wind spoke to me deeply Whispering love full of grace But you already are Queen of your existence You are, I promise; It can be no other way Your fussing and fighting Is just a mistake; you’ll see one day It’s a mistaken flurry A swelling of fear That masks insecurity Insecurity you hold dear The insecurity was born Early in your existence It imprinted on you strongly When you were just young But it’s not true It’s based on a lie And now is the time To make it undone You see, you can’t be special To anyone else Until you are Special to you No one else holds The specialness key No one else, Only you do edited by Becky Forbes on 9/26/2022 edited by Becky Forbes on 9/26/2022 edited by Becky Forbes on 9/26/2022 edited by Becky Forbes on 9/26/2022
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10/22/2022 12:27:09 PM
EOTrees Myles Posts: 14
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This is a special poem but do just a little editing and you will realize just how special this poem would mean to other readers. Beautiful.
-- E.O.-Tree"s Myles
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12/17/2022 2:56:01 AM
Di11y Da11y Posts: 17
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Would another verse redefining 'special' add to the poem and the journey?
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12/17/2022 4:36:26 AM
Di11y Da11y Posts: 17
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Hi, not to critique yours at all, but I had a play around with some of the words as they echo some of my feelings too. Absolutely keep yours the same, but here's a slightly different version. I'm a complete novice and it's unedited but there might be ideas for extra bits to find with this version or some solace that you aren't alone feeling that way. Special
Pointlessly shouting to the sky I want to be SPECIAL The wind whispered almost unheard back You already are
No, No, don’t you see Shouts the reply, fist waving angrily I want to be SPECIAL More than just me
Not stopping there The rant full throttle Demanding importance and acclaim I can no longer be unseen
Fame and fortune equating to purpose And all that goes with it What do I do, oh what do I do? To make this happen for me?
The wind soft and gentle still Waits and bides it's time with loving patience Waiting for the rant to end She ever so gently caressed my face
The wind saw me and I heard her Whispering love full of grace But you already are Queen of your existence
The promised contentment eased my soul Everything gone before serving only to remain as a strong foundation The fussing and fighting fading Just a misunderstanding with fate
It’s a mistaken flurry Born of rush and hurry That created insecurity Etched deep within
Early on, reasons untold Weakness in nurture, planted a seed Resulting in a reassurance loop need Ever repeating, ever repeating
But that's based on the insecurity of others Passed through time Recognised and seen for what it is Work in progress to make it undone
Redefine what special means Recognise the special in me Know that it's more than beauty or fame Each of our essence is not the same
When you are not sure If there's a key to the lock Of the door to the dream Then try first a knock
Stepping forward, being true Breathing in and seeing What others already knew The special was always within you
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