Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » I'm at your mercy

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

8/19/2022 3:13:49 AM kristen Turner Posts: 1	This Hollowed Life It's like your world is ending Everything comes crashing down Can't catch your breathe Down, down, down you drown Waking in the morning To another dreaded day Going through the hustle Just to keep the pain at bay Escaping is what you want Numbing you try to survive Hating the world when you're sober Hate yourself for getting high Oh yeah-This hollowed life of lies Going through the rituals Crushing down your dreams Drawing back within yourself That icy devil makes you scream The storm rages deep inside Harboring all your guilt and shame Fighting a losing battle You think it's too late to change You hate the world when you're sober Hate yourself for getting high Numbing as a way of living Living your hollowed life of lies Then one day you see Someone who used to use They were happy No longer broken and confused They tell you of a man Who washed away their sins They had found peace Oh yeah- found peace within Him You were tired of the hatred You were tired of getting high You were tired of living Living your hollowed life of lies You asked for forgiveness You were hungry for more You wanted what they had They had opened the door Now you're walking free Free from the shame and guilt With Jesus in your heart You had been rebuilt No more hating the world No longer getting high You laid your pain at His feet You escaped that hollowed life of lies Copyright © kristen Turner \| Year Posted 2022
	• permalink • reply with quote
9/17/2022 8:14:31 PM Bob Atkinson Posts: 294	****poetry isn't what is, that's the realm of prose. The verb "to be" (is are was were has to be converted to an emotional assessment of what is are was were. I've seen what they called "poets" who didn't understand this and watched them read their chapbooks of PROSE, NOT COMING CLOSE TO BEING POETRY. This poem isn't bad, just can avoid that trap plus the trap of too many THE's. Cheers. IT’S like your world IS ending Everything comes crashing down Can't catch your breath(e) SIC Down, down, down you drown Waking in THE morning To another dreaded day Goingthrough THE hustle Just to keep THE pain at bay EscapingIS what you want Numbing you try to survive Hating theworld when you’RE sober Hate yourself for getting high Ohyeah-This hollowed life of lies Going through THE rituals Crushing down your dreams Drawing back within yourself That icy devil makes you scream THE storm rages deepinside Harboring all your guilt and shame Fighting alosing battle You think IT’S too late to change Youhate THE world when you’RE sober Hate yourself for gettinghigh Numbing as a way of living Living your hollowed lifeof lies Then one day you see Someone who used to use They WERE happy No longer broken and confused Theytell you of a man Who washed away their sins They hadfound peace Oh yeah- found peace within Him You WEREtired of THE hatred You WERE tired of getting high YouWERE tired of living Living your hollowed life of lies Youasked for forgiveness You were hungry for more You wantedwhat they had They had opened THE door Now you’REwalking free Free from THE shame and guilt With Jesus inyour heart You had been rebuilt No more hating THE world No longer getting high You laid your pain at His feet You escaped that hollowed life of lies p { line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.1in; background: transparent }
	• permalink • reply with quote
10/21/2022 9:35:50 PM EOTrees Myles Posts: 14	I truly love this poem, your name such be Grace because this poem is amazing. I love your style and choice of words, how it all comes together in all the right ways. I'll be yor follower until the end because you are so brillant so are is this poem. E.O.-Tree"s Myles -- E.O.-Tree"s Myles
	• permalink • reply with quote