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4/17/2022 8:53:48 PM Emmanuel Liadi Posts: 2	Stop the Massacre / 20.10.2020 Today is another day We March Like every other day In fight for our lives. We prayed And sang songs Chant our anthem #EndSars And say no to other forms of sars Never knew it's gon' become a dirge. We were happy to stand for what is right Never knew we will not see the night. Beckoned on my brother To come on board He was happy to hold the flag Flag was soaked in blood. Darkness enshrouded the scene Even though the people became livid Protestants watched helplessly On the sudden appearance of the military Rivers of blood The sky weeps in anguish. A thousand voices heard I at once Stop the massacre! We're bleeding! Bleeding from holes in our hearts Holes from bullets Bullets in the head of our heroes Heroes whose only crime was demanding for a better life Life that is meant to be sweet But bitter and battered for so long Long enough to threaten our existence Existence that should be of essence ... Stop the massacre! NB: I own no copyright of the pictures. Some words are taken from various videos. 20.10.2020... We will never forget 💔 😭Stop the Massacre / 20.10.2020 Today is another day We March Like every other day In fight for our lives. We prayed And sang songs Chant our anthem #EndSars And say no to other forms of sars Never knew it's gon' become a dirge. We were happy to stand for what is right Never knew we will not see the night. Beckoned on my brother To come on board He was happy to hold the flag Flag was soaked in blood. Darkness enshrouded the scene Even though the people became livid Protestants watched helplessly On the sudden appearance of the military Rivers of blood The sky weeps in anguish. A thousand voices heard I at once Stop the massacre! We're bleeding! Bleeding from holes in our hearts Holes from bullets Bullets in the head of our heroes Heroes whose only crime was demanding for a better life Life that is meant to be sweet But bitter and battered for so long Long enough to threaten our existence Existence that should be of essence ... Stop the massacre! NB: I own no copyright of the pictures. Some words are taken from various videos. 20.10.2020... We will never forget 💔 😭 -- Liadi
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4/29/2022 12:31:13 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Some suggestions for your consideration Remove sky weeps anguish - instead continue the image of rivers of blood. You can keep the image of the sky, but have it be the reflection of grey clouds passing across the surface of the river of blood; you can even compare the clouds moving across the river of blood to formations of soldiers invading the city, or you can pick up the idea of the clouds later by describing the soldiers like clouds. Change bleeding from holes in our hearts to bleeding from holes in our chests. You lose the alliteration of holes and hearts, but hearts is kind of cliche and sentimental, BUT a hole in the chest can be a double entendre - the hole can be literally a bullet hole, or it can be a metaphor for grief. It just adds a bit more grit to use chest instead of hearts. Also, dropping the alliteration of holes and hearts allows the alliteration of heads and heroes to stand alone which will make it more noticeable. Also, you miss an opportunity. You ise the phrase Life that is meant to be sweet - which is great - but you should contrast this with describing the taste of blood, the salt, the metal, etc... Life being sweet is of course metaphoric, but contrasting that with the literal taste of blood will be very powerful. You use blood in a lot of the images, so adding the sense of taste to blood will be unexpected and placed against the idea life is supposed to be sweet, it will be especially strong.
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5/10/2022 7:19:40 AM Dexter Greener Posts: 1	Shadow Dancer I dance in the Shadows of a moon lit night.As the song of Life deepens my insight.I clasp my hands over my tender heart.It deepens with pure Love as the Dance starts.Rays of the Moon with the shadow of trees, they melodiously start dancing with me.Dancing to the shores of the Sea with shimmering light.Brings in foam to my feet with wonderful delight.The Celtic song rises in the depth of my soul.Dancing in the sparkling sea makes me whole.The song of this night’s life echoes in my ears.It sings Mother Earths songs of glorious years.I kneel down in honor as my spirit joyfully cries.As the Shadow dancer draws the mysterious mist from the sky.She descends from the sky and enters into the misty moon light,we dance in loving embrace, across the rippling seas of the night.I am forever loved as I feel her arms around me.For I am now the Shadow dancer of the wind-swept sea.
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10/22/2022 12:14:46 PM EOTrees Myles Posts: 14	This is a interesting piece and it pinched my curiosity, there's nothing wrong maybe some editing. I love the theme and it made me feel as though I saw that battle. keep this masterpiece work right up. -- E.O.-Tree"s Myles
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