Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/11/2022 7:10:48 PM
Victoria Lucas Posts: 9
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navigating the inexorable loss of innocence is a rite of passage i think i should feel grateful for the secrets kept shrouded in smoke from stolen cigarettes but i shrink in my skin wishing i could tell my mother How much i love her and How scared i really am
i apologize to my mother, but she can’t forgive me, and i can’t blame her i crawled into this adolescent chrysalis and emerged the useless woman i promised my father i’d never become
i stole their child- or was it Time?
add it to the running list of my wrongs, and Run along it does no good to keep one eye over my shoulder when the rest of my life lies ahead of me
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3/24/2022 11:28:16 AM
Evan Meyer Posts: 7
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Interesting poem. I like the title, the images, the rhythm, and the coherent sense. The lower-case letters are a distraction, mostly. E.E. Cummings was a great poet, and seldom used capital letters (except in the spelling of his own name), but he also was very free with form, adding spaces above and below certain lines, and to the left, and playing with punctuation and jamming wordstogetherlikethis. You are not even consistent with avoiding capital letters--I count four in the poem, with no clear reason. Also, a poet can write a poem using no punctuation at all (although it takes care, to avoid confusion), but you have a question mark, three commas, and a hyphen (which should be a dash or maybe a comma). I think the whole poem would work better if you just used traditional grammar.
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