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10/24/2021 1:05:14 PM Summer Lange Posts: 2	Never did I think that you would make me cry. Until that day came and I saw that look in your eyes. I thought we could be lovers. You thought we could be friends. I guess we were both wrong. You say it has to end. When you said this I shed my first tear. Life will go on and so must I. I cant spend my days wondering why? If you are happy then I am too. Just remember one thing. I will always love you.
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3/19/2022 1:51:54 PM Dave Collins Posts: 13	Hey, we all know those feelings and those situations of unrequited love. I get what yr saying, but some suggestions to make it flow a little better. Poertry can be words set to a musical format. Did I ever think you'd make me cry? Then the day it flashed in your eyes I dreamed of being Lovers your thoughts were merely Friends this couldn't be more wrong (or put yr line here) your words said it had to end. I held my tears and shed only one Life will continue and so must I. I won't spend my days in the wonder of Why? If you can be happy, so then will I. Just remember this one thing, I will always Love you. This the way I see it. Again only suggestions on my part. Just keep writing, experimenting with words, flow and imagery. Keep a dictionary handy to increase yr choices. Good luck.
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10/22/2022 12:24:13 PM EOTrees Myles Posts: 14	Please just take time to think about what you are saying and how you want this beautiful to come together. I stress editing and patience and taking your time about just how you want it to sound and flow. -- E.O.-Tree"s Myles
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12/6/2022 3:18:43 PM Sally Eslinger Posts: 6	I stress editing thoughtfully, too. Poems will only rarely flow out completed. Most often they come to us with too many words, or out of order. As a poet you must hunt the Actual Words, plus imaging, sense-full words to fit into the lines of your meaning. USE A THESAURUS. LEARN TO LOVE READING A THESAURUS! And, the dictionary, too. A diction I y is the story and history of humanity — no other words exist for our Story, but what is in there. I felt your poem was a little out of order. “I thought we could be lovers” would be my first line. Several ways to follow that. How about… I thought we’d be true lovers Once I saw your eyes With an embrace that held me too close To ever make me cry — never could tears come to me, So I thought, From loving you, but It seems your eyes spoke Of wanting, not loving, Not loving at all, only of knowing, So my never thinking you’d never Ever make me cry, did bring tears When you left me broken, With long flowing tears Unexpected streaming down my cheeks… Tears you’d never see To last, stay in my memory. I especially worked it to get rid of that youthful untrue last line. Learn to use repetition for your poem’s music and varying emphasis. Learn to elaborate while still being succinct, which you are good at. Stretch your talent. I suggest writing too much then cutting. Tears are a big theme with me. Sister poet, you have a good start here. Run with it! I want to see and feel those tears! Hugs, sally
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