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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/15/2021 11:47:28 AM

Barbara Peckham
Posts: 5
Please give me feedback on this poem, " Reprise"



Reprise

Against the depthless blue
Backdrop of the sky
A tracery of bare brown branches
Feathers out above,
Dipped golden by last rays
Of the declining sun.

But wait!
The show’s not over yet,
For as the sun
Makes its final bow,
A grand finale takes the stage.
Splashes and streaks
Of rose and pink,
Purple, and orange
Dance across the horizon,
Higher and wider,
Until the lagoon below’s
No longer blue,
But the palette of heaven
Reflected here on Earth.

When those golden days arrive
Upon our doorstep,
And time creeps slowly
Toward that last horizon,
Our grand finale
Will be the reprise
Of all our life upon this Earth.
So gather your paints.
Splash your canvas with color!
Live! Set the scene for
A glorious exit from this stage.
To grand applause.
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3/19/2022 1:29:58 PM

Dave Collins
Posts: 13
Good imagery. Try to refrain from using too many conjunctions/prepositions. They take away from the flow. Some suggestions, take/leave them.
A grand finale takes "center" stage. Splashes, streaks of rose, pink and Purple wash across my/the Horizon. Against a depthless blue backdrop of sky
(again find the right flow and it fits) bare brown branches feather or fan out above. Dipped in Golden rays by a (sleepy), declining sun. Hope this helps, good job.
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