Book: Reflection on the Important Things

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » Another Code Blue

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/31/2021 7:41:25 AM

Carol Pelizzari
Posts: 3
Hi there, wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions for this poem, I'm submitting it into the rhymezone contest (themed covid vaccination)



I saw the dead and dying firsthand,

Gloved hands reaching out to frail pale fragile ones.

The mind gone, the lungs rattling a rapid tune of death.

I wiped down ashen skin, bone dry with not a drop of sweat left.




Talking to family through closed windows and facetime,

Telling them that their loved ones were fighting.

I got the illness in April, we were told masks were optional.

Let me tell you for the last time that the vaccine is not.




Spare yourself two months on a ventillator in a medically induced coma,

If you're lucky you'll make it to a painful year of PT.

Spare a family the last visit as their loved one drowns,

I still hear their mask-muffled cries in my dreams.




Yes it hurts, yes you might get sick, yes it's new,

But please don't be another code blue
permalink • reply with quote
3/31/2021 8:50:02 AM

Carol Pelizzari
Posts: 3
Some critique in person led to this more streamlined version! Could still stand to be improved.




I saw the dead and dying firsthand,

Gloved hands reached out to pale shaking ones.

Tired lungs rattled a rapid tune of death.

I wiped down ashen skin, bone dry without a drop of moisture left.




Talked to the families through closed windows and phone screens,

Told them that their loved ones were fighting.

We were told masks were optional, (I got sick in April)

Let me tell you that the vaccine is not.




Spare yourself months on a ventilator in a coma,

If you're lucky you'd make it to a painful year of PT.

Spare a family the last visit as their loved one drowns,

I still hear their mask-muffled cries in my dreams.




Yes it hurts, yes you get sick, yes it's new,

But please don't be another code blue
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » Another Code Blue




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software