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Forum Home » Be Gentle » The Old Man

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/13/2020 12:52:46 AM

Peter Dougal
Posts: 6
Slowly a visage slips into view
An old man’s face; who are you?
A brother, an uncle, maybe a dad
Always looking morose and sad
Watery eyes with no sign of hope
Struggling on, just trying to cope
Haggard and drawn, looks even thinner
Ah dang it! Gotta get rid of this mirror!
edited by Dougal on 10/13/2020
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12/27/2020 3:51:00 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
👍
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4/21/2021 12:26:36 PM

Matthew Cole
Posts: 1
Great imagery and very descriptive! I love the ending!
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4/25/2021 11:28:10 PM

Eduardo Richardson
Posts: 65
I really liked this verse, both with the factual and semantic content, and the form that you gave it. For me lately, the form in art and creativity, including in writing poetry or prose, is more important than meaning. That is why I have now started experimenting with the shape of my texts.
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7/12/2021 6:43:16 AM

Brian Roberts
Posts: 3
I truly savored the verse and flow of your poem, and the universality of it.
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12/4/2022 8:50:55 AM

freeland browning
Posts: 2
Most excellent. Good timing , rhyme and message. It's got it all.
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12/13/2022 11:36:27 PM

Ellen Gwaltney Bales
Posts: 5
I love your poem. It reminds me of some of mine. Until I read "The Old Man" I wasn't sure if I was on the right track. You give me hope!
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11/5/2023 2:38:29 AM

Joshua Claridge
Posts: 1
Love it.
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