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10/2/2011 6:06:08 PM mike williams Posts: 5	Her lips as soft as silk Her eyes as pure as rain Her face, beautiful as a flower Samantha Her personality is all smiles Her touch could keep me going for miles She is the greatest Samantha Her presence for me is just right It could keep me going through the night I love her Samantha She’s my best friend She’s my girlfriend She’s my lover She’s all that I need Samantha
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10/2/2011 10:48:51 PM Paula Swanson Posts: 22	Hi Mike, You obviously have deep feelings for Samantha. One thing to think about when writing poetry is to not repeat yourself, if you can help it. As in the lines that start...."Her lips" "Her eyes" "her Face" etc. The same with the lines that start with the word "She's" Also, any extra words you can do without...scrap them. You might try something like this..... With lips as soft as silk, eyes, pure as rain, a face of flowered beauty; Samantha. Her personality is smiles, a touch, keeps me going for miles. She is the greatest; Samantha Her presence for me is so right, keeps me going, through the night. I love her; Samantha My best friend, girlfriend. and lover All that I need; Samantha This is just one idea. You also might play around with syllable count. Not all poems need to have exact syllable counts in each line. But, there are times, when the use of syllable counts helps the flow of the poem. Makes it slide easy on the tongue. You will noticed that I change the line "I love you" to "I love her" You should try to stay in the tense that you begin in. Such as the past tense, present tense or future tense. You start out writing about her, then by using the term "I love you" you are writing TO her. hope that makes sense to you. Just always read your poem out loud. Not just in your head. Read it a loud and see how it flows. Was it easy to speak? Did it flow effortlessly or did it tend to trip up? Then, play with changing or dropping a few words here and there. Just don't ever give up. You will find your flow. Each poem is unique. Never get stuck in a rut. Don't let anyone discourage you. You have a heart that wants to speak....let it. ``Paula edited by PaulaSwanson on 10/2/2011
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10/5/2011 8:40:37 PM mike williams Posts: 5	paula thanks 4 the advice
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