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Forum Home » High Critique » Critique, an Invitation

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/11/2019 9:44:07 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
Let your words come like leeches
sucking bad blood from the body
of my work. Swell with pride
excising disturbing humors.
Ill, I have come, and arm-bare,
begging to be saved.
Open a vein, young apothecary.
There is plenty of humor to spare.
I do not mind the mending knife,
the fire of its kiss only brightens my chances of living.
I do not mind the gluttony of innocent words
as they draw away the poison.
Fever throbs in my ears.
Cure me.
edited by superlativedeleted on 3/11/2019
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3/21/2019 11:53:00 AM

Miranda Hawley
Posts: 4
If I understand your opening correctly you are looking to get rid of all the negative things in your life. And if I understand bare arm correctly that is your meaning of of ready for the blood draw. I am having trouble with your word apothecary (and in my minds eye) no apothecary is needed. Over all score I am giving is 7/10 because a lot of deep meaning went into this. Your score is not a 10/10 because I had to read it a few times to understand it. Also nice ending.
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3/23/2019 10:17:08 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
Hey Miranda. Thank you for your feedback. I should have made clearer the title is "Critique, an Invitation". The image is an extended metaphor for the critique process. Thank you for pointing out clarity is an issue. Also, thank you for reading several times. I often do this with any poem I read.
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