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Forum Home » High Critique » What about this one :)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/25/2019 3:39:20 AM

Sanja Cokolic
Posts: 13
What I felt when I looked at you

a life
sized to daily care
which does not occur
regularly nor properly

they don't care

It's just a mere fulfillment of
inflicted patterns
pushing you
to die through those papers

(don't sign them)

they've inserted your heart
in a metal cage
and corrosion imprinted soul
making voice reek like rust

through the flesh
desiccated branches ramify
bones have become autumn
but eyes somehow assured the summer to stay

so captured light can cut approaching clouds like laser
and darkness won't shade your resting
while you're painting that dream
of a house settled by the dalmatian coast

your sea is calling for you

I saw you leaving

wanting to scream
kept my mouth shut

didn't know how to hand you over that life jacket
as deluded sentences were decomposing your chest cavity
so you kept navigating that river of perverted past
throwing paper boats filled with fury and indictments

you were that autoimmune one

there is a green color groveling across your face
and it doesn't bring the spring

muscles are winter
drained and dormant

I tried to wake them up
by rubbing that oil
through your suffocated pores

no one came to see you
so they clogged

and you kept calling for mother
while your intestines were set on fire

she didn't came

couldn't cry with you
as I despise the rain



forgive me



edited by Christina Addison on 2/25/2019
edited by Christina Addison on 2/25/2019
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