Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/14/2018 3:17:55 AM
Stenila Simon Posts: 3
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Guard my eyes from evil, Lord Keep my ears from lies of old.
Help me speak Your truth and love
Tie my heart to Thine above.
Lonely in this world I stand
Longing for a helping hand.
Darkness fills the hearts of men
Like Daniel in a lions den,
I lay my trust in Thee alone
And all my troubles at Your throne.
Keep my heart from sin's desire
Cleanse me in Your flames of fire.
Lead me down the narrow path
Show me treasures heaven hath.
Lonely in this world I stand
Longing for the promised land.
Love, no longer seeking here
For perfect love doth cast out fear
And hereby in this love I dwell
That guards me in this passing hell.
[This is a Christian poem I wrote about the loneliness a child of God often feels during their journey. Hope you guys feel free to leave some feedback!] edited by stenila on 7/14/2018
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7/14/2018 3:19:42 AM
Stenila Simon Posts: 3
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By the way, sorry the formatting turned out weirdly spaced out!
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8/15/2018 9:38:48 AM
Deb Depew Posts: 4
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The title really jumped out at me. I’m new to poetry but I really like this. I read it several times.
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8/20/2018 5:58:50 AM
Jesse Rowe Posts: 3
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Overall, I quite enjoyed this poem. The two lines that made me stumble were 1. the second line. The rhyming is so solid throughout that using a rhyme that is barely even a near rhyme to lead out weakens the poem as a whole.
2. The simile of darkness in men's hearts being like Daniel in the lions den didn't make sense to me. Maybe it is the ambiguity of the phrasing, but it sounds like Daniel is the darkness.
I was going to comment on the archaic language, but I think it has a certain KJV style to it which actual seemed appropriate since you mostly carried it throughout. edited by Jesse Rowe on 8/20/2018 edited by Jesse Rowe on 8/20/2018
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9/1/2018 2:32:43 PM
Jean Bush Posts: 11
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This is a lovely prayer. It belongs to everyone.
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