For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/30/2018 1:37:46 PM
Sammy Dee
Posts: 3
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From now on
I will dance as if on fire -
And when I say on fire – I mean sporadic dancing is the only form I know.
I am told I dance like a white girl
I look them in the face, eyes blazing.
Do I look like anything else?
From now on,
I will write as if I am Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath
And what I mean by that is - they suffered from the same debilitating illness I do, so maybe I can learn to weave what feels like a death sentence into something beautiful and life preserving.
I force feed myself drugs, this is the only way that I can make this wet blanket of hopelessness peel itself off of me. The residue of wet melancholy will never leave, but hey, when did I start believing in miracles?
I pray to a God I don’t even believe in, hoping that I will not end up with my head in the oven, confined to my home or water filled lungs.
From now on,
I will be a lioness,
I will not fall for the handsome price in the Disney movies I gulped down as a child, thirsty for the "idea" of love. I will not be the innocent, sweet, pure princess –
I will no longer be a wall flower, with innocent eyes, waiting in her high tower for a righteous prince to come to her rescue. No my dears,
I will be the dragon
Lungs full of fire,
Eyes full of desire
Fangs, waiting to pierce the flesh of any man who thinks I cannot save myself,
I will make the ground rock with my presence!
From now on!
I will be a ferocious shark within the sea of mass production
My soul, older than the fossilized bones of yesteryear
The trappings of regret and hope intertwine - causing a fuse so strong, so bright – that even I am blinded by its vehemence confusion.
From now on, I will scream -
I am no new soul,
I am no naive, fragile adolescent -
No, I’ve walked these roads filled with vile and contempt before
People and their viscous words fill my head – But they do not know
Their hateful words are no match for the distain and disgust I have for myself!
This soul has walked down a road of self-made abhorrence -
I can cross fire -
I can swim the deepest of waters -
I can climb the highest mountain –
Without batting an eye!
From now on –
From now on
From now on!
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5/30/2018 1:37:56 PM
Sammy Dee
Posts: 3
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thank you for your help!
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6/2/2018 10:57:11 AM
Lisa Costigan
Posts: 12
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I enjoyed it well done
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6/22/2018 5:34:19 PM
edie Fenn
Posts: 2
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wannabewriter89 wrote:
From now on
I will dance as if on fire -
And when I say on fire – I mean sporadic dancing is the only form I know.
I am told I dance like a white girl
I look them in the face, eyes blazing.
Do I look like anything else?
From now on,
I will write as if I am Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath
And what I mean by that is - they suffered from the same debilitating illness I do, so maybe I can learn to weave what feels like a death sentence into something beautiful and life preserving.
I force feed myself drugs, this is the only way that I can make this wet blanket of hopelessness peel itself off of me. The residue of wet melancholy will never leave, but hey, when did I start believing in miracles?
I pray to a God I don’t even believe in, hoping that I will not end up with my head in the oven, confined to my home or water filled lungs.
From now on,
I will be a lioness,
I will not fall for the handsome price in the Disney movies I gulped down as a child, thirsty for the "idea" of love. I will not be the innocent, sweet, pure princess –
I will no longer be a wall flower, with innocent eyes, waiting in her high tower for a righteous prince to come to her rescue. No my dears,
I will be the dragon
Lungs full of fire,
Eyes full of desire
Fangs, waiting to pierce the flesh of any man who thinks I cannot save myself,
I will make the ground rock with my presence!
From now on!
I will be a ferocious shark within the sea of mass production
My soul, older than the fossilized bones of yesteryear
The trappings of regret and hope intertwine - causing a fuse so strong, so bright – that even I am blinded by its vehemence confusion.
From now on, I will scream -
I am no new soul,
I am no naive, fragile adolescent -
No, I’ve walked these roads filled with vile and contempt before
People and their viscous words fill my head – But they do not know
Their hateful words are no match for the distain and disgust I have for myself!
This soul has walked down a road of self-made abhorrence -
I can cross fire -
I can swim the deepest of waters -
I can climb the highest mountain –
Without batting an eye!
From now on –
From now on
From now on!
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6/22/2018 5:35:43 PM
edie Fenn
Posts: 2
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meaning ful and i found it inspiring and energizing
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7/29/2018 3:15:14 PM
Darren White
Posts: 31
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Sammy,
If you wish to be the best poet ever, you have to work on what is called "less telling, more showing"
I will give you an example from your poem above: "From now on,
I will write as if I am Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath
And what I mean by that is - they suffered from the same debilitating illness I do, so maybe I can learn to weave what feels like a death sentence into something beautiful and life preserving."
That is not poetry, but it's a part of a diary, a prose part if you like. You can do better than that! You can turn it into something that make people think twice, read again and again, and feel it!
Don't start with "What I mean by that" because that doesn't belong in a poem.
Give them something to bite on
This darkness deep inside, this moonless night, those ebony waves, that maelstrom that drags you down. D
Give them a bit of that, don't explain, give them that raw emotion.
Good luck 
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8/20/2018 7:42:48 AM
Jesse Rowe
Posts: 3
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As Darren already said, the what I mean by that phrasing seems unnecessary and reserved when the rest of the phrasing is so direct and powerful.
Also, vile and contempt. You're using vile as if it is a noun, but it is an adjective. You could say with vile contempt, or something else and contempt.
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