Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » THE FORBIDDEN TEMPEST

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

5/18/2018 9:21:17 AM Wayne Riley Posts: 2	With each storm brings a new emptiness. A wave of despair that can blind even the brightest light. For the moment the truce holds with the beast. But how much longer will it resist the flesh? And the madness will once again course through the veins. Like a whores kiss its sting will burn for eternity. And the mockingbird will sing to the heavens But the gods will do nothing.And somewhere The sunset will set.The snow will fall. And the race will be run.And the message will be lost in the words. Those who cannot accept loneliness Can never accept death. Yet the search goes on, Desperate and unstoppable Towards a futureless future. And the fear of change stifles the mind into a partial suicide That the body can neither fight for nor rage against. Cowardice? Strength? Right? Wrong? There is always a way And there is always a choice. edited by Wayne Riley on 5/18/2018
	• permalink • reply with quote
6/25/2018 11:44:54 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	The brevity of phrasing works well. The title is almost too grandiose as-is; allcaps is unnecessary. I don't usually care for abstract poems because they tend to turn into pastel vomit, but yours has focus, unity, weight, authentic thoughts arising from the angst of the theme, and an enjoyable voice. I'm not sure why you've put a space between each line, though.
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/8/2018 3:37:26 PM jack belck Posts: 12	The poem actually begins with "Those who cannot accept loneliness" but then ties it to accepting death, a rather odd swerve away from the subject. This might be far more powerful and useful if it offered suggestions for coping rather than dwelling on accumulated horrors.
	• permalink • reply with quote