Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/13/2018 2:01:47 AM
Michael Ruiz
Posts: 1
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ANCIENT MENTAL TECHNICIANS AND WISHING MAGICIANS
Intelliangelical state of mind/ state of shine
A Crooked cuffed commitment won't be my contentment
Time will tell truth
Proof it's in the put-in
Please no cardiac arrest in my thoughts
Brainwashed influence of the masses (seasoned leaves fallen, hearts lost and fall in apart)will never break my heart as a whole unified with my tax bracket .
Now how tragic
in order to be above the new order just number 24 slam dunk on em like magic
As u develop your plot I develop my system of thoughts
Create an intelligible system better the the system that's taught
Anticipating every action that is morally naught
utilitarian ahktonohton feeling
Caused ameri-mirror modern slave Egypt
Got me utilizing every ability with edict
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Michael Ruiz Matrix Maytricks M.R.M.M
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2/16/2018 5:01:14 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
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I'm afraid I don't understand this very well. There is an adage of "show don't tell". There seems to be a lot of telling here. As a reader, I want to know who the speaker is, where does the poem take place, what is it about..etc. Now that said, there is a kind of poetry where those things matter less (I would not say ever matter) and that is abstract, lyrical poetry. It depends on sound more that sense. It uses assonance and alliteration to build images not easily seen literally. My favorite is Dylan Thomas. You might find him interesting.
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