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1/25/2018 5:07:17 AM Key Keller Posts: 3	So lonely to love her light To gaze too far and fall To reach for her, through earthly plight Should she hear my mortal call Behold such beauty bold Perched high atop Apollo's tree Breathing hope into my mortal soul, So shameless and carelessly So, unapologetically Oh to walk in dreams; with dreams To fly across earth's cloud filled skies Gilded chariots thunderous and free See all, with divine eyes Free of all, natural law This love will never be To love such a creature is loneliness Forever out of reach for me edited by Phoenix411 on 1/27/2018 edited by Phoenix411 on 1/27/2018
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1/29/2018 1:01:34 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	This is a lyric poem about a love that cannot be. In my opinion, it is best suited for self-reflection and/or family, friends and that special someone, the focus of the poem. For a wider audience, these poems are incredibly hard to write for two reasons. First, so many poets have already written about unrequited love (better than you or I can ever do, my friend). Second, lyric poems are a pretty tired out form historically. For lyric poems to be surprising (and poems should be), many poets are contorting language into what is called "abstract poetry" based on assonance and alliteration and consider the literal secondary. I would suggest Dylan Thomas as one of the best abstract poets. Best wishes!
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1/29/2018 5:40:41 PM Key Keller Posts: 3	Hello Stephen, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your feedback. I labored intensively on this poem trying to convey what I was feeling and kept getting trapped in the rhyming aspect, like a car that keeps veering into the same rut. I changed it several times. It was probably at it's best the first time I wrote it and even then it was still slave to the rhyming. I really didn't feel good about posting it and your feedback confirm my initial feelings. I think the idea I was trying to convey is a good one, I just need to find a better, more natural way of expressing it. It wasn't just about unrequited love, or not supposed to be just about that. It was meant to be more about those people you encounter who are truly special and seem to exist in that place between humanity and godliness. At least as close to it as I know. Again, thank you for taking the time to reply. It was very helpful.
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2/2/2018 6:09:40 PM Jessica Amanda Salmonson Posts: 5	I disagree with Stephen insofar as aching long unrequited love evokes universal feelings. But it's true the form taken here is personal and makes one think of the poet, not of one's self, or of the "story" inherent to the poem. If the many references to myth and fantasy had been used literally, then that "story" would be of mythic desire, an actual fantasy, and increase in possible universality. Although poetry being a matter of taste, many will prefer just what was written, of personal angst, not a fairy tale which not everyone likes most, though I do.
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2/9/2018 1:47:06 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	Of course, people have different tastes in poetry. I didn't mean that this poem wouldn't evoke feelings beyond self, friends and family. I meant "a wider audience" of those who study and like poetry are pretty jaded (myself included). In my opinion, if one is trying to evoke an emotion in a reader, it should use surprising language. Unfortunately, for this kind of poem "unrequited love plus.." the language would have to be incredibly surprising because of the standard set so long ago by so many great writers. Best wishes to all!
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2/11/2018 1:11:28 AM Key Keller Posts: 3	Jessica and Stephen, Thank you both for taking the time to comment on my poem. Jessica, I appreciate you reminding me that the value of our words are indeed in the eye of the beholder. Stephen, I certainly understand what you are trying to impress upon me. I realize I am no keats or Oscar Wilde. These are simply my feelings, words and thoughts, assembled to the best of my ability at the time. I appreciate your honesty as someone who studies a great deal of poetry. It's extremely helpful. Although it is a theme done many times by masters of the art, it is still theme unique to me in my particular moment. It is totally fair of you to convey to me that I need to dig deeper in my expression, to move you. That's helpful criticism.
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3/3/2018 2:17:12 AM Oliver Furlong Posts: 11	I loved reading this poem, despite its ancient ring to it. I guess it would have been nice to hear more of a description of her or it (if it's about a bird?).
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