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1/6/2018 3:22:02 PM levi johnson Posts: 15	Changing Seasons Flying formations of harmony The squawk of the geese high above With the urgency of a fraternity Southward bound to another love Now misty and chilly comes the breeze Twisting the first autumn leaves about Entwines my lost seasons of time Entangles my thoughts into doubt Milestones of memory’s moments I watch the children grow and leave Silent screams of fleeting seasons Or cordial captions for all achieved My mind is a tool for a limitless heart Like a sculptor with his chisel A sense of loss is a carve of art And a springboard for all that crystals Savor the changing season sequels As your pivot point progresses To digress in a direction that equals Dimensional time transgresses
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1/17/2018 12:50:35 PM levi johnson Posts: 10	Any feedback on this verse? Thanks
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1/17/2018 7:02:24 PM Quiet Speaker Posts: 3	I have no experience in critique someone's poems so I really liked yours,is very well done.
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1/24/2018 10:57:04 AM Oliver Furlong Posts: 11	Very nice Levi. Hard to critique as I think it works. The only thing I will mention is the nice image of the geese at the start then is lost in the latter half of the poem as it becomes more introspective (which I'm fine with) but maybe balance out the imagery with the inner soul talk? I think you have a great grasp of poetic language by the way. edited by Ollie Furlong on 1/24/2018
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1/29/2018 1:57:19 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	I like this poem. It has a literal meaning and a metaphorical one. To misquote the Bible, "There is a time to every purpose". As in all poems there are, for me, strong and weaker parts. I like the more specific images like "flying formations", "squawk of geese", "silent screams of fleeting seasons", and the loss as a sculptor's art. It starts specific and then generalizes like "dimensional time transgresses" which is weaker. That seems particularly soft to me as being the final line. There are some good turns of phrase like "pivot points" that maximize alliteration and assonance. Best wishes!
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