For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/17/2017 4:17:10 AM
Gregory Richard Barden
Posts: 23
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OH, CHRISTMAS TREE
Oh, how beautiful you are ...
I have given many hours to your veneration ...
A quiet and reverent offering to your affect on my heart.
Your magic, planted in my child's heart long ago,
And blooming over the years in careful contemplation
Of all that you mean and represent.
My earliest memories are of you ...
The thoughtful application of colorful lights,
Tinsel and garland gently dangled from your boughs,
Hand-blown glass ornaments, each with a wonder all its own,
Hooked tenderly to the tips of your branches,
And a shining star to crest your divine adornment,
Speaking to me of that star of ages hence,
Placed atop a glorious, glistening "tree" of light and love,
An uncommon star sent to shine upon a miracle ...
A precious gift of grace and salvation,
Placed lovingly beneath its splendor,
As gifts are now placed below yours.
Yet I can't help but consider, in honesty ...
That ALL my efforts over the years to dress you in color,
All the lights and baubles and shimmering bits,
Can't approach the grandeur of your creation,
And the raw, natural elegance of YOU ...
Standing strong and noble in the forest,
A garland of snow gracing your limbs ...
An ornamental dance of pine cones and creatures,
And the grandest star - a brilliant sun - at your top ...
Crowning the majesty of your magnificence,
And the breathtaking beauty of ALL God's providence ...
That it shines upon.
edited by Bahku on 12/17/2017
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12/17/2017 5:51:55 PM
Gregory Richard Barden
Posts: 23
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This poem did not place in a recent contest, and I'm wondering how folks feel I might improve it to make it worthy of placement, or where I went wrong. Thanks so much!
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12/21/2017 12:43:30 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
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This is a poem to be appreciated with friends and family. There is nothing wrong with that. For a wider audience, I would generalize less and show more. Dylan Thomas wrote "A Child's Christmas In Wales" that is incredibly specific and for that very engaging. Now, none of us are Dylan Thomas, but a quick read through would give some idea about showing not telling. Let the reader take the journey with you! Best wishes!
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12/28/2017 12:13:37 PM
Sheila Haskins
Posts: 2
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Bahku wrote:
OH, CHRISTMAS TREE
Oh, how beautiful you are ...
I have given many hours to your veneration ...
A quiet and reverent offering to your affect on my heart.
Your magic, planted in my child's heart long ago,
And blooming over the years in careful contemplation
Of all that you mean and represent.
My earliest memories are of you ...
The thoughtful application of colorful lights,
Tinsel and garland gently dangled from your boughs,
Hand-blown glass ornaments, each with a wonder all its own,
Hooked tenderly to the tips of your branches,
And a shining star to crest your divine adornment,
Speaking to me of that star of ages hence,
Placed atop a glorious, glistening "tree" of light and love,
An uncommon star sent to shine upon a miracle ...
A precious gift of grace and salvation,
Placed lovingly beneath its splendor,
As gifts are now placed below yours.
Yet I can't help but consider, in honesty ...
That ALL my efforts over the years to dress you in color,
All the lights and baubles and shimmering bits,
Can't approach the grandeur of your creation,
And the raw, natural elegance of YOU ...
Standing strong and noble in the forest,
A garland of snow gracing your limbs ...
An ornamental dance of pine cones and creatures,
And the grandest star - a brilliant sun - at your top ...
Crowning the majesty of your magnificence,
And the breathtaking beauty of ALL God's providence ...
That it shines upon.
edited by Bahku on 12/17/2017
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12/28/2017 12:16:16 PM
Sheila Haskins
Posts: 2
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Beautiful words and memories shared. The magic of it is the appreciation you have as a grown up of a living tree, not just as decoration. Your awareness has grown as you have matured.
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1/1/2018 8:43:27 PM
Gregory Richard Barden
Posts: 23
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Fairy Fey wrote:
Beautiful words and memories shared. The magic of it is the appreciation you have as a grown up of a living tree, not just as decoration. Your awareness has grown as you have matured.
Thank you so much, FF, I greatly appreciate the kind words ... that's what I was hoping to get across. :-)
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1/1/2018 8:48:20 PM
Gregory Richard Barden
Posts: 23
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Stephen Wilson-Flo wrote:
This is a poem to be appreciated with friends and family. There is nothing wrong with that. For a wider audience, I would generalize less and show more. Dylan Thomas wrote "A Child's Christmas In Wales" that is incredibly specific and for that very engaging. Now, none of us are Dylan Thomas, but a quick read through would give some idea about showing not telling. Let the reader take the journey with you! Best wishes!
Thanks so much, Stephen - much appreciated, my friend! The thrust of this was the progression of maturity and appreciation, and relating those impressions and memories of childhood to learning the wealth of trees, (and nature in general), in their living, natural state, and perhaps learning to appreciate other humans and empathy, by looking beyond the trappings of clothes and society. Blessings to you! :-)
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