Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/30/2011 5:09:59 PM
Tim B Posts: 5
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Hello all,
Never wrote a Quatern before, curious as to the mistakes I made, or any suggestions you may have, appreciate honesty, thank you.
-TimB.
"Twas in a voice that I found God In a kind tone that I found odd Carried on the whispering wind Speaking beautifully in the end
Twas in a tome, I read downtrodden Twas in a voice that I found God Hidden yet open amongst the pages Full of his truth and unearthly graces
Ruled by dialects and languages Enslaving all our human anguishes Twas in a voice that I found God A preacher humbled me with but a nod
Tempests sway, swirl round the tower Babel's peak speaking volumes an hour Here, speaking naturally, this is why Twas in a voice that I found god" edited by TimB on 6/30/2011 edited by TimB on 6/30/2011
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7/6/2011 10:07:45 PM
Tim B Posts: 5
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Still asking for an honest critique on this one, don't be shy, I can take the abuse
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7/7/2011 7:15:28 PM
Juanita Warden Posts: 24
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I do not know much about Quaterns but I love the way your words flow..It is very good reading..Keep writing..
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7/7/2011 10:25:50 PM
Tim B Posts: 5
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Thank you for the kinds words Juanita.
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7/22/2011 9:56:46 AM
Tim B Posts: 5
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Thank you for pointing that all out Sid, much appreciated! I am going to be editing a lot of my poems soon and this gives me a good base to go from, thanks again.
-Tim
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9/4/2011 11:50:25 PM
Keith Baker Posts: 18
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I don't know anything about the style but it bothers me that in stanzas 1 and 3 you use God to rhyme but not in 2 and 4 yet you move the word God down a line each stanza suggesting to the reader that you are purposefully doing it so you can rhyme God. Stanza 1, God is in line 1, stanza 2, God is in line 2 and so forth. If you want to keep that going then I think you should rhyme stanza 2 line 1 with stanza 4 line 3 to tie it all up.
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