Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/17/2017 2:00:10 PM
Jeff Collins Posts: 5
|
So, I'm new to this.. poetry stuff. I have written four poems in the past week and posted them on the site today. I'm putting this one here as it is my favorite so far and would appreciate some meaningful and honest feedback.
Moonlight
Beneath the moonlight silver shimmer Standing I begin to shiver Is there nothing more for me to do Than gaze upon this frozen ground
Behind me moonlight shadow cast Stretched out as memories fading fast Eyes shifting, scanning for a clue Left and right, but nothing found
Beyond the darkness moonlight gleams Revealing worlds beyond the seams Looking down and inward bound Panic rising when I hear the sound
Before the day moonlight stays Shining bright as I lay Snowflakes on my face do land Cold and still can't move my hand
From above moonlight shines Relieved, I close my eyes.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
11/21/2017 12:04:55 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
|
This poem is okay. I am not much a fan of rhyme. The problem with rhyme, in my opinion, is everyone can do it, but few do it well. The reader, he or she, should never feel a line is written just to complete the rhyme. Lines need to stand alone. I do like "Beyond the darkness moonlight gleams/ Revealing worlds beyond the seams". Best wishes!
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
11/22/2017 4:25:10 PM
Jeff Collins Posts: 5
|
Do you feel that lines in the poem were written just to complete a rhyme? I have thick skin and am wanting to learn and improve
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software