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11/15/2017 11:26:13 AM Jared Day Posts: 6	LOST CAR KEYS I've never understood how things work gears turn and cranks crank circuits connecting and forming a link all of this stuff is out of my reach its all so confusing, fuses and plugs that plug into sockets and HUDS that have numbers and belts that have notches motors that whirr and shake so profusely only do more to stump and confuse me I'm not at all mechanically inclined trust me I know, I've tried many times I can't understand battery's without power have to charge for almost a whole half an hour drivetrain won't drive, forward or reverse transmission whats that, this sticks stuck in first the bumpers don't bump and the flashers won't flash speedometer and fuel don't work on the dash there are spots under the hood for the fluids it takes and I don't understand how a carburetor.. carburates? mufflers to muffle the sounds that it makes drive shaft to control the turns that you take key to ignition ignition to starter starter to the whatever the hell that you call er' it's all so disturbing, it bothers me bunches gas pedals, brake pedals, what are these clutches automatic and manual drives drive me crazy has anyone checked the oil here lately the tires have tread to catch on the ground hydraulics to make you go up and go down there are switches and knobs that serve no functions or jobs there's gearboxes, spark plugs, fuel tanks and handbrakes and I couldn't even tell you which one keeps the car in place how it all works is way beyond me I have a hard enough time just finding my keys
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11/19/2017 2:43:56 PM Jared Day Posts: 6	any thoughts on this?? anyone? Is it any good at all? What problems need to be fixed? any tips would be so appreciated. Thank You Everyone
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11/20/2017 5:20:42 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	I like the unpretentious tone of this piece. I like "how does a carburetor.. carburate..". I like the ending lowering the expectation. I am not a fan of rhyming and here is why: it is incredibly hard to do well. Anyone can rhyme, but each line needs to stand on its own and not feel like it was included just to finish the rhyme. This poem has some good. I would shorten it and try to play on words in a different way than "carburetor..carburate". That is good, but now its been used. You need to continue the shock value on to other car parts. Best wishes!
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11/22/2017 12:37:59 AM Jared Day Posts: 6	I really appreciate your feedback. I am taking it to heart and going over my poem. I see now that some of the rhymings seem forced or added in as a filler. I am defiantly looking into changing some things and possibly shortening it, and also trying to find some more of what you called "Shock Value" to add. Once again, thank you for the feedback.
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