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Forum Home » High Critique » critisicm needed please

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/21/2017 3:04:36 PM

Austin Jefferson
Posts: 1
It’s all done up and goofy
So you can justify
Wanting a thing universally
Abhorrent ( criminal desire).
Every sentence is the killing of
One’s self, (in Love).

You just wanna make impending
Slights seem better
(less bad) so the marital bed
Doesn’t seem like a prison,
So bumming off a
(****) Buddy isn't heinous.

.-And crying, and kicking,
And screaming do nothing.
Pretty ideas we seem to
Form. Yesterdays faggot is
Today’s prom queen. There is
A sweet and singular form

(Collective American Hatred)
( During is rough but after is
A breeze). It’s sad songs
When you oughta be dour.
(Pop when the sun shines?) It’s
One’s prerogative in death.

It’s garishly tasking to
Wake up from vile moods and
Sing praise. (But we are machines!)
Mortality is mood probably. Disorder
Roots in every truth unfortunately.
As if Humans know right from wrong.

(That’s the fun in rooftops) Life
Is options and oblivion is
**** all else if not opiates
And reality. (Good god, lighter fluid
Sans matches sans mothers). We
Aren’t taught to be maybe.

And all their names are useless
As are pleasantries like condoms
And pillows. Ruminations from rubenesque
Eunuch figures. Depression cures all
If you let it. Talking one’s self
Out of sleep. (Rife with thank yous).

Humans live (Can't know without
Godlessness mind you). Then we all
Race to die because we're obsessed
With next., Which is fine. Grimly we
Hold hands and walk on to impress were
On brand: Hopelessly into ourselves.

But they fall mercilessly. The common
Partisan feeds from it calling it:
Fruit of loin. (Message being the
Beauty never was.) - And at the bottom
It’s holy (And Truly) revealed that
We know nothing. Then it’s fine again.
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10/1/2017 1:16:17 PM

Subhas Chandra Chakra
Posts: 1
Please read my poem and render a criticism.

Regards.

Subhas
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