Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/5/2017 9:39:47 AM
Abosede Ogundare Posts: 3
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Please, kindly critique...
Where goes thou again? You woman of low esteem Walking North, coming South Moving West, running East Where goes thou again? A fortnight ago You were with the drunken farmer Eating his little produce In unneeded appreciation, you gave him a son Where goes thou again? Stay put you gallivanting mother Stop spraying your babies about Like a withered tree in its dry season Where goes thou again? You unstable mother Every man's house has a seed of you Your paradise of pleasure A travelling path to any man you see Where goes thou again? Leaving your children at every home Ninety Children for ninety-nine husbands Ninety-nine husbands in ninety days Where goes thou again? Stay put and take care of your children Stop moving about And let your waist bead stop roaming
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5/7/2017 12:59:14 AM
Andy Morfett Posts: 9
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The immediate impression one is left with after reading your poem is the unnecessary repetition of the line "Where goes thou again?". Six times in such a short piece is overkill at least. The theme of the poem and the content is strange and somewhat confusing (and confused) and that last line? What on earth is that all about? Sorry, this - for me - is just too esoteric and way-out for my taste. edited by authorised1960 on 5/7/2017
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