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Forum Home » High Critique » The Gallivanting Mother

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/5/2017 9:39:47 AM

Abosede Ogundare
Posts: 3
Please, kindly critique...

Where goes thou again?
You woman of low esteem
Walking North, coming South
Moving West, running East
Where goes thou again?
A fortnight ago
You were with the drunken farmer
Eating his little produce
In unneeded appreciation, you gave him a son
Where goes thou again?
Stay put you gallivanting mother
Stop spraying your babies about
Like a withered tree in its dry season
Where goes thou again?
You unstable mother
Every man's house has a seed of you
Your paradise of pleasure
A travelling path to any man you see
Where goes thou again?
Leaving your children at every home
Ninety Children for ninety-nine husbands
Ninety-nine husbands in ninety days
Where goes thou again?
Stay put and take care of your children
Stop moving about
And let your waist bead stop roaming
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5/7/2017 12:59:14 AM

Andy Morfett
Posts: 9
The immediate impression one is left with after reading your poem is the unnecessary repetition of the line "Where goes thou again?". Six times in such a short piece is overkill at least. The theme of the poem and the content is strange and somewhat confusing (and confused) and that last line? What on earth is that all about? Sorry, this - for me - is just too esoteric and way-out for my taste.
edited by authorised1960 on 5/7/2017
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