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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/2/2017 4:29:13 PM

Shanmugam Piramanayagam
Posts: 1
I can remember the very first day,
When I left my home and then lost my way..
I can remember the very first time,
When I learnt to say that old English rhyme…

I can remember my very first sight
Of a rising sun that looked red and bright..
I can still remember my oldest dream
Which woke me up at night and made me scream…

I can still smell the scent of the wet earth
When it rained for the first time since my birth..
I can still remember that small round face
Of a cute girl who played with me those days..


I can still remember that first love song
And the days when I hummed it all day long..
The memory of my very first love
Still flies in my heart like a cute white dove..
edited by shanmugam on 5/2/2017
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5/7/2017 12:52:55 AM

Andy Morfett
Posts: 9
Some of your couplets work well, whilst others are a little contrived and forced. This is a nice enough poem though.
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