Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/2/2017 4:29:13 PM
Shanmugam Piramanayagam Posts: 1
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I can remember the very first day, When I left my home and then lost my way.. I can remember the very first time, When I learnt to say that old English rhyme…
I can remember my very first sight Of a rising sun that looked red and bright.. I can still remember my oldest dream Which woke me up at night and made me scream…
I can still smell the scent of the wet earth When it rained for the first time since my birth.. I can still remember that small round face Of a cute girl who played with me those days..
I can still remember that first love song And the days when I hummed it all day long.. The memory of my very first love Still flies in my heart like a cute white dove.. edited by shanmugam on 5/2/2017
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5/7/2017 12:52:55 AM
Andy Morfett Posts: 9
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Some of your couplets work well, whilst others are a little contrived and forced. This is a nice enough poem though.
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