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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/1/2017 7:57:27 PM

Joey Oliva
Posts: 4
There was no art in the graffiti on your walls,
just bilingual tribal markings,
adolescent impertinence
dividing up the entropy of migrant backs
bent over under the unrelenting Sun
and foreign flags reducing rich heritages
to pastries and hand me down musical collections.
No false pretenses.
No deeper meanings.
No metanarrative to justify a discourse
that somehow gave permanence
to a transient people toiling for survival.
Taped up glass cases and boarded up windows
that for decades had resisted hurricanes
rapidly gave way to gentrified sobriety.
The raw realness of ugly
which cut through with pride,
like a deformed beauty mark,
now reduced to more palatable ticky-tacky.

From Palmetto to Palm Avenue
local papers glorify the triumph of development,
the diversity of sameness,
much in the same way that all turds look alike.
It is safer now. It is quiet.
One can taste the shine of new
in the plastic bags of insatiable consumers.
Even the unrelenting Sun seems now more forgiving.

Hiding in the fringes,
the bended backs of toiling migrants carry on
brandishing the raw realness of ugly,
like a deformed beauty mark,
for no one to see.
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2/24/2017 5:36:52 PM

Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
Wow, Joey - well done! I think you set out to do and say something here, and that you succeeded. I like your comparisons, images, etc. Hard for me to give any criticism at all.



"One can taste the shine of new in the plastic bags of insatiable consumers. " --Great line, and if anything I encourage you to be "poetic" like this. "Taste the shine of new." Cheers!
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2/27/2017 3:12:42 AM

Joey Oliva
Posts: 4
Thanks for the kind words Doug. I am pleased with the imagery that I came up with.


Doug Vinson wrote:
Wow, Joey - well done! I think you set out to do and say something here, and that you succeeded. I like your comparisons, images, etc. Hard for me to give any criticism at all.



"One can taste the shine of new in the plastic bags of insatiable consumers. " --Great line, and if anything I encourage you to be "poetic" like this. "Taste the shine of new." Cheers!
permalink • reply with quote

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