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1/22/2017 2:21:00 AM Jessica Johnson Posts: 1	The Storm of Pain The storm of pain is real and runs through the veins of a human vessel like a raging river on a destructive course to Love Ocean. Debris is collateral damage collected from the riverbanks of the raging rivers devastating path. The debris was once the beauty that gave the river it serenity and peace. The once calm peaceful river flooded the beautiful banks of the river that was enriched with life and happiness when the storm of pain began. The storm was the tears from ones broken heart that flowed like rain. The debris eventually becomes lost in Love Ocean only to become part of the world of Hate and Anger. Many souls find the Love Ocean is a beautiful thing, but is also a very dangerous place for one to venture. Like a ship lost in a hurricane at sea, the human soul will sink to the bottom of the ocean like many other ship wrecks that line the ocean floor only to become treasures for another to find. Love Ocean will devour a human soul like the Atlantic hid the souls of the Titanic that was built like love is suppose to be, UNSINKABLE. Love Ocean is a wonderful and beautiful part in the world of Hate and Anger we live in, until the storm of pain reeks havoc on the calm river of ones soul.
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1/30/2017 2:22:20 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	I like the idea of this work, human relationships as ships on a sea of love. It works well. The prose is less poetic than I would like. It is difficult to tell poets the difference between direct prose and poetry. Try exploring line breaks and stanzas. Also, one's is possessive, use an apostrophe s.
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2/24/2017 5:30:27 PM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	I like it a lot, Jess. Agree with GraphiteDrug, a little punctuation work will help. "the raging river's devastating path" (I put that apostrophe in there) and "The storm was the tears from one's broken heart" etc. But no huge deal, and not everything has to be grammatically perfect. I like the overall theme and presentation. Yes, love is a risk, it may lead to pain, loss, rejection. Yet it may lead to many good things, and I think we are made to love.
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