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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/24/2016 11:40:43 AM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
Rainy days bring moody

ways as the sky's wet escalator

falls to the ground under

blankets of grey, blustery pillows.




Cars make their way home

after a long day at work,

gingerly picking routes

through the darkened splashes,

wipers working frantically

to keep pace with it all.




As cats, caught out in the open,

make skittish bee-lines for

the underbelly of any parked car,

where fervent tongues

reshape rain-soaked coats.




Dogs look out of front parlour

windows at the saturated mayhem,

hoping to outlast the rain and avoid

a moment of drenched relief.




The afternoon's washing,
smelling of fresh life,

gets hung from the bannisters

surrounded by depressed sighs,

damp air

and raised heating bills.




The rain spumes off the roads,

continuing to trumpet its presence

down drain pipes, all the while

beating windows senseless.




And cafe's fill with weather beaten trade

bringing steamy windows from rain-

drenched coats, stubbornly nursing

single cups of coffee for the duration

of the deluge.




Then suddenly, there comes a last

drop, just as there was a first.

And the air smells fresher,

the roads are cleaner and life

feels newer.
edited by trobbo44 on 11/24/2016
edited by trobbo44 on 12/5/2016
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11/29/2016 3:41:48 AM

Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
Hi Terry. Very hard for me to come up with any real criticism, here. I like this poem very much; I think you did just what you set out to do, and exceedingly well. I've read through it several times, looking for what I would change or do differently, and I just plain have nothing.
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12/5/2016 1:09:57 PM

Graphite Drug
Posts: 81
This is an enjoyable poem, good work! The only suggestion to made is on the selection of where lines are beginning and ending. For instance, the fifth stanza could be written:
The afternoon's washing,
smelling of fresh life,
gets hung from the bannisters
surrounded by depressed sighs,
damp air
and raised heating bills.
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