Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/24/2016 11:40:43 AM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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Rainy days bring moody
ways as the sky's wet escalator
falls to the ground under
blankets of grey, blustery pillows.
Cars make their way home
after a long day at work,
gingerly picking routes
through the darkened splashes,
wipers working frantically
to keep pace with it all.
As cats, caught out in the open,
make skittish bee-lines for
the underbelly of any parked car,
where fervent tongues
reshape rain-soaked coats.
Dogs look out of front parlour
windows at the saturated mayhem,
hoping to outlast the rain and avoid
a moment of drenched relief.
The afternoon's washing, smelling of fresh life,
gets hung from the bannisters
surrounded by depressed sighs,
damp air
and raised heating bills.
The rain spumes off the roads,
continuing to trumpet its presence
down drain pipes, all the while
beating windows senseless.
And cafe's fill with weather beaten trade
bringing steamy windows from rain-
drenched coats, stubbornly nursing
single cups of coffee for the duration
of the deluge.
Then suddenly, there comes a last
drop, just as there was a first.
And the air smells fresher,
the roads are cleaner and life
feels newer. edited by trobbo44 on 11/24/2016 edited by trobbo44 on 12/5/2016
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11/29/2016 3:41:48 AM
Doug Vinson Posts: 102
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Hi Terry. Very hard for me to come up with any real criticism, here. I like this poem very much; I think you did just what you set out to do, and exceedingly well. I've read through it several times, looking for what I would change or do differently, and I just plain have nothing.
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12/5/2016 1:09:57 PM
Graphite Drug Posts: 81
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This is an enjoyable poem, good work! The only suggestion to made is on the selection of where lines are beginning and ending. For instance, the fifth stanza could be written: The afternoon's washing, smelling of fresh life, gets hung from the bannisters surrounded by depressed sighs, damp air and raised heating bills.
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