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11/22/2016 4:26:42 AM Sarah Bryant Posts: 1	Eyes lock A mother and her first born Pure love flooding her veins Heart bursting with pride Devotion silently pledged for eternity For nine months Nurtured and cherished Hearts beating together As one Hearts lock A girl and her first love As eyes meet Devotion grasps them both Innocent affection engulfing her soul Her smile beams widely with joy Hearts beating in unison Glowing with pride As one Fate bringing them together The first born and his first love Made for each other Deeply in love A shimmering diamond ring A promise to love for eternity Happiness unites two families Together smiling As one That perfect day The mother lost her first born To his first love Pure love flows through their hearts Now abandoned The mother sobs Silently Alone As one Salty tears sting her eyes Thoughts from the past sprint through her mind The moment she met her first born Devotion and pure love For eternity Forever and forever A mother for her first born A love only felt now By one
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12/5/2016 1:18:46 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	I hope this is not a confessional poem. While it fishes for sentimentality, it does impart important experiences. The major problem presented with this work is its ambiguity. The locking of eyes between an unborn child that may or may not have lived in birth with its mother and/or father doesn't make sense. And is the mother or the father the only parent living at the end? There is some good material here, but a linear story or chain of events needs to be presented.
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