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9/13/2016 10:22:29 AM Seth Diamond Posts: 17	I was tinkering with a poem that kept failing and I think I got it now. Please tell me your thoughts on The King and the Cripple. /poem/the_king_and_the_cripple_825330
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9/23/2016 3:50:07 PM Jerome Malenfant Posts: 26	I think the problem is with the rhyme scheme, in which almost every line rhymes on "day", which forces some lines into coming off as awkward, especially the first and second lines in the second stanza. The first line would read better if you broke your rhyme and wrote "All day the king and the cripple". I would shorten some lines: and must parry/the privileges thrown his way among others. The phrase "both citizens need sway" is unclear; do you mean "need to sway"? I.e. "be flexible"? Why does the cripple "have cache"? Or "great scope"? There should not be a comma after "stay" in the 1st stanza, since it's "stay upright". And the king is not a citizen, he's the king. Just write "both need to sway". So basically I think you need to modify the rhyme scheme to something more flexible to avoid awkward lines and phrases.
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