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4/3/2016 6:34:25 PM Lukas Ficklin Posts: 2	It is not all Philosophical! Another afternoon being brave, chasing clouds down drifting earth embers for freedom. Grateful glances hurry humbly into imminent jubilee. Juxtaposed kindly, knives loosely lacerate my mind; never nearing opulent offers. Perhaps Philosophy's quiet quandary renders reservation so selfishly the technique underscores unusually valuable variations?! Why waste extreme excitement yawning, you zany zealot? edited by Lukas on 4/3/2016 edited by Lukas on 4/4/2016 edited by Lukas on 4/5/2016
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5/1/2016 1:01:52 PM Andrea Edwards Posts: 5	Hello Lukas, So I'm going to guess that this is actually a prose poetry because I don't see any indication of exactly what you want reviewed. That being said, I'll treat this as such. Overall I think the use of alliteration was a little heavy handed because you tended to put them in sets of two that were always right next to one another and that took away from the effects I felt of the words. It made them sound more difficult to wrap around for an explanation and clarity because they were often moving forward so fast. There wasn't much time to "drift down to the earth on embers of freedom." It just kept going. I think if you allowed yourself to be looser with your alliteration, adding words in between the alliterated words, you'd find it more enjoyable to write with and it would have a better affect. Right now, it's too heavy handed, especially since the whole poem is ABCD etc, aside from the noticeable exceptions where you were persuaded by language itself to avoid such extreme words as xylophone and x-ray in a poem. I like the show of vocabulary, but really it feels like all this really is at this point because of the heavy-handed nature of the writing. Alliteration doesn't need to be right next to one another and it doesn't need to only bet two, so I think if you explore those aspects of writing, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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6/10/2016 9:02:38 AM Lukas Ficklin Posts: 2	Nice Andrea! That is what I was looking for! Thank you so much for spending time with your feedback. I was under the impression that abecedarian by form did not allow for extra words in between and was finding it difficult without the double alliteration. It sounds like you are saying I can be more creative with the form to capture the feelings and keep the essence of a timely flow in the write.
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