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Forum Home » Poem Editing and Help » Please help me edit/feedback on my poem!

Do you need help editing a poem? Maybe English isn't your first language. Post poems or request help with a poem or english here.
3/29/2016 9:16:24 AM

Cordelia Karn
Posts: 1
Silver spoon
My goal is to be successful in all that I do
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But am fortunate enough to be given the gift of life
Which has the same value
As those born with a silver spoon
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But I am fortunate enough to be given
The chance to earn a rusty one
Imagine having to dust and polish the one
That I may call my own
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But I am fortunate enough to be given time
That is equivalent to those born with a silver spoon
I wasn’t born with a spoon in my mouth
But I can assure you that it’s a step
If I just lift up my feet
I’ll move fast with force
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But I was born with hard work running though
My veins
Because sweating blood is my only option,
Earning my own silver spoon
Is a privilege indeed!
edited by CKarn on 3/29/2016
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4/1/2016 8:12:41 AM

Jolene Cheyney
Posts: 66
I'm not in the financial position to say for certain, but I believe that even those as you say born with a silver spoon have their challenges to face.
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9/23/2016 3:02:14 PM

Jerome Malenfant
Posts: 26
To me the poem seems a bit overwritten; many of the lines could be shortened or deleted all together, which I think would improve the flow. E.g.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon,
But was given the gift of life.
.....
But was given the gift of time
.....
But was given the gift of work
.....
But was given the gift of earning
My very own silver spoon

I.e., try to imply things to the reader rather than spelling them out explicitly.
edited by zaq12wsx on 9/23/2016
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10/25/2016 1:44:22 AM

Keith Logan
Posts: 27
You have some good advice from zaq12wsx go with it.
One of the big questions to bug those with money is
does he/she like me for myself or for my money?
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1/15/2017 7:35:48 PM

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
Cordelia,
I find that the verb "to be" (is, are, was, were, am) makes a poem prose-ish.
My preference is to leave what "is" to prose, and keep poetry as a Reaction or Emotional Response to an event or situation (what is, are, was, were, am). Regards, Bob Atkinson

Google: poetry critic
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11/28/2017 10:29:02 PM

Calvin Dixon
Posts: 2
How to enter a poem in working for advice. New to this forum, any help will greatly be appreciated
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11/28/2017 11:13:03 PM

Calvin Dixon
Posts: 2
Quick reply is not so quick
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