Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/30/2015 5:12:06 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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Dark I stand, cobalt cold and chipped ice to the touch. Like a jetty on a winter's day, mooring empty, friendless boats jostled by vexed waves; bullying the weak.
But there was a time. I stood like Vesuvius, naked to your cause. And hungered for that momentary thrust of raw steel, releasing spumante detonations that
reached a soot filled sky. I resonated with the intensity of platinum-white heat, ready to shape your dreams. Before returning it forged by my love and pliable to your hammer
Buckets of water would quenched your prize and sent screaming rivulets of steam off to find a haven from the heat. Then, standing proud, admired our work, as an artist to his canvas
But, days passed into years and years into an age. And from the corner of my empire, I watched the spring of your prime, turn to the clay filled winter of your day. Like the dimming of a lustrous pearl
And now your apron, hangs on its nail, gathering collections of a spiders yearly endeavours. Whilst motionless and resolute, I guard your kingdom and await your return. Ready to recommence the heat of battle once more edited by trobbo44 on 12/10/2015 edited by trobbo44 on 12/10/2015
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12/6/2015 5:02:26 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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Hi Diane. It is about a son filling his father's shoes, tinged with the sadness that their days together have gone forever with his father's passing. It's about the full circle we all get caught up in with family and strong love. Hope that helps. But, I often find a poems definition is up to the reader.
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12/6/2015 5:03:16 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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Apologies Dianne not diane
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12/7/2015 5:10:28 AM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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Dianne, you've been too kind to take so much time and use so much effort on your critique. Many thanks and much appreciation. Terry
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12/7/2015 5:15:54 AM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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The first stanza is now. Whereas the following stanzas represent the past tense. But, I can your where your issues lie and shall correct them. Once again, many thanks
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