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Forum Home » High Critique » The days when a day was enough

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/17/2015 2:17:36 AM

Alfonce Choi
Posts: 4
I miss my childhood days,When I would decide without worry,When I never had to know 'what next,'When I never had the burden of the present,When everything seemed equal,Birds, animals, plants, humans, waters . .They were all a playground.I miss those moments,I never knew when I was there,I never knew they will be gone,I do not wish a reverse,But I wish those there presently knew this,I wish them the best of this moments.In those times a day was long,I would watch the sun cripping from the east,I would watch and watch and watch,As it crawls lazily to the west,In moments like centuries,I would do almost everything in world,Just in the moments of a day.I would water the grasshoppers in the field,I would chase the butterflies in the garden,I would hunt the birds in the trees,I would watch the ants as they walk along their hills,I would capture the raindrops for a counts,I would monitor the clouds as they walk in the sky,All just in a day.And when the golden rays paint the west,It is time to listen to the frogs and crickets,As they welcome the night,With their discordant croaking music,And just to end the day, I would lie in the field,And count the stars, one by one,As they lit the sky,And when I lie to sleep,I would get those sweet dreams,That I wouldn't remember when dawn,I miss those days,When a day was enough,To fill the desires of my heart.
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8/18/2015 2:22:23 AM

SUNIL MATHUR
Posts: 8
A pertinent idea, which reminds me of Wordsworth's poem 'The World is Too Much with Us'. We are so engrossed in the day-to-day activities of life that we scarcely have time to look at the beauty of Nature and admire it. I wish you had made it appear more like a poem and less like prose.
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