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Forum Home » High Critique » i would like some honest feedback on this piece,

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7/28/2015 2:23:51 PM

paul martin
Posts: 12
ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND



ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND
ART IS DEAD

Whitewashed and derailed,
By modernism vacuous hand.
That scream empty metaphors.
To cash rich sympathisers

And con-ceptualists scamming our intellect,
with their o so profound egotistical postulating.
About the nature of existence,
And meaning of being.


It's all smoke and mirrors.
A three card trick.
Unsatisfying unnourishing.
Greasy burgers for the soul.

What would Van Gogh do?
Probably pluck out an eye,
And sew an ear to his head.

So lets have a moment silence,
In this hour of grief,
As I whisper "art may you rest in peace".
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
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7/30/2015 8:09:55 PM

Debbie Guzzi
Posts: 12
The bad seed wrote:
ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND




Whitewashed and derailed

by modernism's vacuous hands

that scream empty metaphors

to cash rich sympathizers




and con-ceptualists scamming our intellect,

with their oh so profound egotistical postulating,

about the nature of existence,

and meaning of being.




It's all smoke and mirrors.

A three card trick,

unsatisfying, unnourishing.

greasy burgers for the soul.




What would Van Gogh do,

probably pluck out an eye,

and sew an ear to his head?




So, let's have a moment's silence,

In this hour of grief,

As I whisper, "art may you rest in peace."



ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND
ART IS DEAD

Whitewashed and derailed,
By modernism vacuous hand.
That scream empty metaphors.
To cash rich sympathisers

And con-ceptualists scamming our intellect,
with their o so profound egotistical postulating.
About the nature of existence,
And meaning of being.


It's all smoke and mirrors.
A three card trick.
Unsatisfying unnourishing.
Greasy burgers for the soul.

What would Van Gogh do?
Probably pluck out an eye,
And sew an ear to his head.

So lets have a moment silence,
In this hour of grief,
As I whisper "art may you rest in peace".
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
permalink • reply with quote
8/3/2015 3:05:01 PM

Graphite Drug
Posts: 81
The clichéd topic of art being dead may be something to avoid. It seems to stem from reactions to Andy Warhol. One sentence, “art is dead” with an exclamation point is more powerful than repeated capitols. “Art is dead!” The adjectives “modern” and “vacuous” should be reversed for clarification. The use of “con-ceptualists” is fun. Remove periods after: “hand(s),” “metaphors,” and “postulating.” Replace periods after “mirrors,” “trick,” and “un-nourishing” with a comma. These are some suggestions. Try them out and see if you like them.
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8/6/2015 11:23:21 AM

paul martin
Posts: 12
Thanks for your suggestions ,i have rewritten the piece and i think it works better and has more clarity,still kept the repeated capitols just my personal taste,thanks again for input much appreciated.
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