Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/22/2015 5:30:57 AM
Shane Cooper Posts: 3
|
LEVIATHAN
Arrogant autocratic Ahab Sails set seaward Heartless harpoon high Wind wracked Waves Revenge rage regret Wretched white whale Opaque Ocean oblivious Deep dark dangerous Titanic terrors traversing Captain callous cold Blood bought bonds Obsidian oaths ordured Foreboding fears fester Sacrosanct silent seas Motionless midst moonset Dim daylight dawned Spray shot skyward Lithe Longboats launched Barnacled Behemoth Breaching Heartless harpoons hefted Destruction death defeat Ahab alone as Achilles did battle Poised proud purposeful in battle Long lance light in hand for battle White whale welcomes the battle Dives deep deep to rise to the battle Man monster meet to do battle
The sea is still, it has no tale to tell
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
5/22/2015 9:26:10 AM
Bob Atkinson Posts: 294
|
Shane, what a wonderful exercise. At first I didn't get it, but then the style got out of the way and imagery tumbled like a waterfall onto my (pea) brain. Nice to see someone attempting to expand the genre'. Was like you distilled the emotion from the novel, which is after all, what poetry's all about. -- regards ---bob
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
5/22/2015 3:00:44 PM
jill spagnola Posts: 12
|
Unbelievable alliteration! I learned sooo many new words. The last word says it all...Art!!!! jill
-- jill
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
5/22/2015 3:02:32 PM
jill spagnola Posts: 12
|
Hip hip hoorah! Three Cheers! Kudos! Props! Hats off!
-- jill
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
6/22/2015 4:12:03 PM
K.M North Posts: 97
|
A fun read for sure. The only thing I had any issue was the "man monster meet to do battle" cause it just read funny to me. Seems like you're missing something between the man and the monster part, but it could just be me. Thanks for sharing though. Probably the most fun I've had reading something in a while. Thanks-K.M
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
7/1/2015 5:43:26 PM
Kari Mitchell Posts: 3
|
Was like you distilled the emotion from the novel, which is after all, what poetry's all about. -- regards ---bob
What novel??
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
7/6/2015 10:31:09 AM
K.M North Posts: 97
|
-Moby Dick
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
7/6/2015 4:16:18 PM
Graphite Drug Posts: 81
|
This captured my interest. It seems an advanced exercise. How did you come up with the idea/ideas?
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
7/21/2015 2:01:03 PM
Robert Stoner Jr Posts: 4
|
I enjoyed the write, the form economical of word and consistent works. I found the message clear and understandable. I did find the capitalization of Waves, Ocean, Behemoth Breaching, Longboats a bit distracting as I read trying to guess the significance of these words. I also would like to have seen the use of commas to break lines and add emphasis in areas. Revenge, rage, regret- three similar but different concepts. Destruction, death, defeat same situation. Since you did use a comma in the last line you established a precedent for their use making their omission distracting.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
11/22/2015 10:22:28 PM
red barchettadrive Posts: 1
|
You must hunt the video PIRATES by ELP. This seemed semi inspired by it or just Moby Dick. Youtube is the best place to find it, and if possible listen to the studio version. A lot of inspiration may come to you wave by wave with that song. I love it! p.s. This poem is quite awesome as well!
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software