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5/16/2015 3:16:06 AM Justin Worthy Posts: 2	Born in a radioactive life with few friends Rejected from a place he never felt was home He finds himself stranded and alone His eyes blinded by the sun Armed with only a baseball bat and a empty gun The world tears at him with hungry jaws A scorched world with cold hearts and no law Attacked by raider, robots, and death claws The dusty capital wasteland he roams Scavenging the ruins of a desolate world Super mutants appear around every turn The lone wanderer finds a flamethrower and makes them burn Their collection of mutilated organs make him want to hurl Searching for his father and food for the day The lone wanderer hopes and prays Revelation 21:6 I am alpha and omega the beginning and the end Bloody footprints mark where the lone wanders has been Scars mark his wounded heart and are etched in his skin Favoring a shock sword and a 44 magnum Custom armor most wastelanders couldn't fathom The lone wanderer carries the maximum Sailed to point lookout and thrown in the pit The cruel wasteland tests his grit Abducted by creatures from outer space A life of haste, rugged is the beard on his face GNR radio keeps him company The lone wanderer runs about while feeling funky Finally he found his father Together, Persuing a righteous goal ever further Only to die a martyr, his death hits the lone wanderer ever harder The lone wanderer's wrath! Awakening rage A vengeful path, darkening days Kicked out of Jefferson's memorial The enclave takes over, creating total turmoil in the purifier With no time to prepare a funeral for his father The lone wanderer grabs 'Vengeance' the ultimate vaporizer On his way to vault 86 to find the legendary kit of Eden The lone wanderer lays waste to many a demons Troubled by the loss of his best friend, His rampage across the wasteland begins edited by Nitsuj on 5/16/2015 edited by Nitsuj on 5/16/2015
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6/22/2015 4:17:02 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Reminded me of "the road" and "mad max" all in one. Really interesting and nice to read. The only issue I had was in one paragraph you said that he was armed with a baseball bat and an empty gun and then in another paragraph you said he had a shock sword and a .44. I'd just go through this an tighten things up from that perspective. I'd definitely read more. Is there more to this one? I feel like there'd be a few good sequels to it. Great job though-K.M
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6/25/2015 7:01:27 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	This reads more like a video game narrative than a poem. There needs to be more work on organization. For instance who is the hero? What is he doing? What weapons is he using? Who is he after? Punctuation would help. You should think about writing a short story.
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