Book: Shattered Sighs

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » When I Am Gone

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/6/2015 9:31:34 AM

Teresa Lindsay
Posts: 16
There is a sickness in me laying dormant Like that of a volcano,waiting to erupt No cure in sight, it is there unseen Deadly to me and all around me If it ever goes live, none are safe I fight my tears knowing it is there That one day It will take me away Away from all I know and love I cry not for me but those i leave I try to be brave, to show them it is alright I smile my smile to give them comfort To let them know I will live in their hearts Deep inside is where the sickness is In my blood, waiting to take me I don't want to die, but I'll be brave Till the last, I'll be strong for them No one can carry this burden for me Just walk beside me, hold my hand Know that I love you, remember that My life was not easy, that I carried on I lived the only way I knew how to Doing whats right, with honor and love
permalink • reply with quote
2/7/2015 2:24:09 PM

Edmund Linton
Posts: 14
The expression in this poem is lucid and strong, deftly honest. It was a bit of a challenge navigating through the lack of punctuation. A structural revision with attention to spelling may truly enhance the authentic rawness of emotion in this piece. Excellent start.


Lie is an intransitive verb (one that does not take an object), meaning "to recline." Its principal parts are lie (base form), lay (past tense), lain (past participal), and lying (present participle).

[Lie meaning "to tell an untruth" uses lied for both the past tense and past participle, with lying as the present participle.]

Lay is a transitive verb (one that takes an object), meaning "to put" or "to place." Its principal parts are lay (base form), laid (past tense), laid (past participle), and laying (present participle).


The two words have different meanings and are not interchangeable. Although lay also serves as the past tense of lie (to recline) – as in, "He lay down for a nap an hour ago" – lay (or laying) may not otherwise be used to denote reclining. It is not correct to say or write, "I will lay down for nap" or "He is laying down for a nap." The misuse of lay or laying in the sense of "to recline" (which requires lie or lying) is the most common error involving the confusion of these two words.
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » When I Am Gone




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software