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12/6/2014 1:50:28 PM Cole Pew Posts: 3	If I had the girl we would sleep days Put dimes in the jukebox by night listening as darkness plays But her haunting green eyes yet do remain Lost among twisted highways searching left me insane If I had the girl I might get out of this rut Loneliness seems my only companion realization lays fierce in my gut I know very well The feeling of absent hope The hurt and pain you expel with no way to cope Scared of remaining alone another long day Wanting the end to save me to carry me far away Coming to terms I'm blue Voicing my lonesome plea I know now certain things to be true If only true to me If I had the girl Who saw things the same Saw how a pine tree smells cold How being sad Seems better when it rains The girl that knows the little things Like how a closet door is never fully shut She knows the comfort the cold side of a pillow brings And thinks pure bred no better than mutt Yet I only know sadness so heavy It's hard to breath Insupportable loneliness so steady I yearn for it to leave The solution must not involve the business end of a gun Cannot hang from the end of a rope Nor be found at the bottom of bottles Emptied their whiskey and rum Feels so old Being blue Getting up tomorrow missing today There is no more me left to look for you So my eyes meet the stars My mind slips away -- C. Pew
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12/7/2014 12:32:37 AM Cole Pew Posts: 3	Feedback please! -- C. Pew
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12/9/2014 6:28:37 PM paul martin Posts: 12	i like it you get straight to point in the first verse and the theme runs consisently throughout,the rhmyng dosen’t seem forced and it is easy to read,if i have one small criticism maybe it is slighty too long,good write keep up the good work paul edited by The bad seed on 12/9/2014
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12/22/2014 5:45:02 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	The writing here is good regarding the subject and feeling. Rhyme is also good. Things begin to stray at the seventh stanza. It could end at the ninth stanza. The end seems clunky. Try changing "the solution must not involve" to "suicide is not a solution." Suicide seems implied at the end.
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