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Forum Home » Be Gentle » I Have Always Cared

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10/13/2010 1:46:06 PM

Eliel Vasquez
Posts: 2
Remember when theyignored you
Said you couldn’t bethere friend
Looked at you with suchhatred…
Who was there in theend?
I was always aroundyou…
When times were rough
Never took you forgranted
When push came toshove!
I gave you the littlethat I had
Just to see you smile
Always wanted the bestfor you
But you shunned me fora while
You have no idea…
How much that affectedmy heart
Of all the selfishthings,
That was what tore meapart!
Had me on my knees…
Asking God so manytimes… why?
What did I do todeserve this?
But God did not want toreply…
All I wanted you toknow
Is that I have alwayscared
Even after youridiculed me
The hatred seemed todisappear
From my broken andshattered heart
My empty and delusionalsoul
For when I cleared mymind
Making you happy againbecame my goal!
I never held it againstyou
Even after you made mecry
Because no matter thepain
I still felt like Ishould try…
To make it work for us
So we could go far
No matter how stubborn,
Ignorant and naïve you are
I just want what’s bestfor you
Even if your attitude Ican’t bear
For when it comes downto it
I will and have alwayscared!!!


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Eliel
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10/22/2010 12:08:48 AM

tara jennings
Posts: 12
I reallylike yor words, try and space it up a little to make it easier to read. Read it out loud when you edit and add the grammar and punctuation that comes naturally to your spoken word.
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