Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/18/2013 6:48:47 PM
Gabe Shelly Posts: 95
|
Maybe we all need to die, then maybe there would be enough space for those left to see... the hurts and pains of generations past was for naught... Hate only breeds ugliness. I think the Bridge we built to cross that gap is burning, again. The Bridge
(The Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman case will never be fully understood for years till we can look back and reflect over what happened. Space is what is needed so that others can step back and say "Oh, I see". Now, we are so close to it all we'll ever have is a short nose.) edited by Gabe on 7/18/2013
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
8/9/2013 6:33:04 PM
scott thirtyseven Posts: 13
|
Nice, I like this.
I just wonder about two things. Firstly, should the first line end with a "?" ?
And maybe, "Hate only breeds..." could be on a new line.
Just some thoughts edited by scott 37 on 8/9/2013
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
8/10/2013 2:01:29 PM
Gabe Shelly Posts: 95
|
scott 37 wrote:
Nice, I like this.
I just wonder about two things. Firstly, should the first line end with a "?" ?
And maybe, "Hate only breeds..." could be on a new line.
Just some thoughts edited by scott 37 on 8/9/2013
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
8/10/2013 2:06:34 PM
Gabe Shelly Posts: 95
|
Hey, when I wrote this poem I was sort of going for the same style as Robert Frost or Walt Whitman." Hate only breeds..." should go on a new line, and I'm afraid the poem reads more like a paragraph or comment than a poem. However, at this time I am happy with it, though I might change it in the future.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software