Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/16/2013 8:17:35 PM
Gabe Shelly Posts: 95
|
You and me, we are energy; The dust from stars That created us and planets as Mars. And when we die it's okay to cry Since we may then just become energy again; That doesn't have a mind and is unrefined, Having no soul as it goes into a Black Hole
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
1/27/2017 12:40:39 AM
aunna jones Posts: 7
|
sweet!
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
3/28/2017 11:33:41 AM
Robert McVay Posts: 4
|
from what I saw it was good but try to put a little more rhyme to it at the end.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
4/8/2017 3:18:14 AM
niall fulham Posts: 3
|
wow just what I was thinking , great stuff
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
4/8/2017 4:34:07 PM
Phil Capitano Posts: 3
|
See my poem Interstellar Dust.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
6/17/2017 3:57:32 AM
Ronn Ronn Posts: 3
|
Great post. I was checking continuously this blogand I am impressed! Very useful info specifically the last part Icare for such info much. I was looking for this certain information for avery long time.
-- free hotmail login | hotmail account login | gmail sign up
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
7/28/2017 12:19:13 PM
Arnie Bee Posts: 2
|
Gabe wrote:
You and me, we are energy; — I'd cut "we" The dust from stars That created us and planets as Mars. And when we die it's okay to cry –— for some reason I really want to put "there's no need to cry" instead of ”it's okay to cry" Since we may then just become energy again; —I'd cut "just" That doesn't have a mind and is unrefined, —"That does not have a mind, It's unrefined," Having no soul as it goes into a Black Hole —”Having no soul, going straight to a black hole."
I like it. It's a funny piece.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software