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Lazy Boy: A Mythology - Chris D. Aechtner's Blog

About Chris D. Aechtner
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Dreamt a dream
about falling asleep,
woke up in yet another one --
a near-seamless string of dreams within dreams.

As I become older, 
I still retain the eternal heart of a 6 year old child.
Sort of like Peter Pan ....

.... and I will always take my chances with Captain Hook.

I am a Canuck who grew up on the West Coast.
I have some of this, do a little of that (lol).
Aside from writing, I enjoy oil painting as a creative outlet.
I love mountain biking.
I am a gardener and bio-chemist.
(So many "I"s)

As far as the Peter Conspiracy goes,
Chris is a shortened version of my birth-name.
It is my legal name.
I am not some guy from NYC; I have never lived in NYC. is the first site where I publicly posted a poem online.




Lazy Boy: A Mythology

Blog Posted:10/1/2012 1:12:00 PM

                             Lazy Boy

The ocean had been violent during the night,
so in the morning, a group of fisherwomen were searching the beach for seaweed,
when they came across an infant boy sleeping on the sand.
He was naked, wrapped in seaweed; a seemingly healthy, ordinary looking child, without any distinguishing marks or tattoos on his body. After checking the infant's health, the women re-wrapped him in seaweed and carried the child back to their fishing village.

The women figured the child to be the son of fishing people whose dugout might have capsized after being caught late in the storm, or were maybe even dragged below the waves before the storm, by a giant octopus, or blackfish; possibly even a huge halibut.
They knew that Orca, who also feeds her young with breast milk, would have heard the drowning child, and because there is a sacred link between Orca and the milk-drinking children of humans, she might have delivered the baby boy onto the sand.
Orca had always been a friend to people, even if people are not always good to Orca;
nor have we been as considerate to the children of Orca, as she has been to ours.

Back at the village, the women washed the salt from the infants skin and hair.
For some reason, the child didn't take to a wet nurse, and instead, the women tried offering salmon berries, blackberries, soft lily tips, fiddlehead ferns and baked rainbow trout. The women were shocked when the infant voraciously ate all the food, even sipping an entire gourd of nettle-leaf tea.
They had never seen such a young infant eat so much solid food before.
He burped, giggled, happily waved his arms and legs, then fell fast asleep.

As was customary, the Chief's wife adopted the baby boy, and so the child lived in the Chief's lodgings. The adopted child wakened only when hungry.
After eating, the child fell instantly fast asleep again.

As the weeks passed, the child grew at an alarming rate.
After consulting mid-wives, medicine men and other spiritual advisors, it was deemed that the rapid growth of the child was supernatural; but that of luck, and not of ill omen.
After two months, the boy still resembled an infant for all intent and purpose; baby rolls, smooth glowing baby skin....except for the fact that he was already twice the size of the largest man in the village.

Because the child couldn't fit into normal lodgings anymore, a canopy of Cedar branches was rigged into a massive lean-to beside the Chief's place.

Months turned into years, and the giant was now 8 times as large as the largest man;
and still appeared to be growing. 4 times a day, the giant woke up for food, only to fall back asleep again after eating. The villagers helped the Chief feed the growing child,
who incidentally ate as much food per day equal to the intake of 10 grown men.
4 times a day the child was fed; 4 times a day, he would smile and say thank you.
He didn't do anything else. In fact, if someone tried waking him in-between feeding, not a single tactic worked: including splashing cold river-water on his face, playfully tickling him or twisting his baby toes.
He only awoke to eat.
Not a single villager ever saw the giant relieve himself, nor ever found evidence of such release.

Everyone called him: Lazy Boy.
Wotever adopted name had been initially given to the giant, was long forgotten.
Of course many villagers grumbled about how much food Lazy Boy consumed, wondering when this giant would do some work to help justify his existence.
The Chief would have none of the complaining, believing that his village was somehow blessed by the mere presence of the giant.

One day, an Old Man coughed, and the pole holding the world in place, shifted and trembled.
The ground shook, creeks and rivers began to overflow their banks, the tide moved up
into the village, joining the lakes that were now moving towards the sea.

The villagers frantically gathered the elderly and children, helped hoist them into trees as the waters rose. As the water continued to rise above his knees, the Chief looked back at the Cedar lean-to, yelling for Lazy Boy to wake up. Some of the younger, stronger fishermen, pushed through the rising water to see if they could rouse Lazy Boy from his slumber, but before they reached him, water began spilling into Lazy Boy's ears, causing the giant to awake with a start.

To the utter amazement of his foster villagers, Lazy Boy stood up and began to quickly grow larger and larger, until a low cloud ringed his crown like a halo. He spread his arms, splayed his fingers wide, looked up into the sky and from his mouth issued a sound that nobody had ever imagined they would hear. It was akin to a low booming bass tone merging with the sound of a million seashells dangling from strings, clanging together in the breeze.
Lazy Boy kept singing, until a light issued from his throat like a glowing string, beaming through the up-most reaches of the highest clouds.
The ground ceased shaking, the waters receded as quickly as they came.
Then Lazy Boy shrank back down to his normal, still-giant-size.

Before the villagers even had time to fully register wot had happened, or to give proper thanks to the giant, a similar song to the one Lazy Boy had sung, rolled off the ocean, from a distance, slowly becoming louder and louder.
Lazy Boy turned to the Chief and said, "One of my Uncles is coming for me. I must go now."

"Uncles? Go now? Where? Why?" The Chief looked both confused and saddened, even though his people had been saved only moments before.

"Yes, Father-Who-Is-Also-My-Son, I am an Ang Kri Sta Tan Li Qi.
Our duty is to hold steady the pole of this world. The present Ang Kri Sta Tan Li Qi has become too old and weary to continue his duty properly. This is why the world shook....he probably lost his grip. It is now my turn to hold steady the pole of the world; offer relief to an old man."

Lazy Boy made his way down to the beach, and so all of the villagers followed, the Chief trying to keep up with the heels of his adoptive son.
The Song of Glory stopped as Lazy Boy came closer to an enormous white dugout canoe beached upon the sand. Inside the canoe, at the bow, sat a wrinkled, gray-haired version of Lazy Boy, wearing a tunic comprised of a fabric that shimmered like that of a dragonfly.
In the back of the canoe, sat another giant, but it appeared not to be of flesh, but instead, appeared to be comprised of light; blue-green light, with occasional bursts of red streaking across the surface of wot should have been skin.

Almost out of breath, the Chief pleaded for Lazy Boy to stop.
"My son, wait! No farewell!? I have so many questions! If that is one of your Uncles in the bow, who is that being of light in the stern? How long do you have to hold steady the pole? Will I ever see you again?"

Lazy Boy stopped, turned to his adoptive Father. "We will never see each other again in this lifetime. I will hold steady the pole for many of your lifetimes -- a duration that is equivalent to thousands of human lifetimes put together. For me it will not feel long, and it will fill me with great joy of duty. The being of light, is the Spirit of Ang Kri Sta Tan Li Qi -- the thread that ties all of us Ang Kri Sta Tan Li Qi together, until this world becomes a new world all over again. Then this present Spirit may finally go back to The-People-In-The-Sky, and another Spirit of Ang Kri Sta Tan Qi is assigned to the next world."

"The next world!? Beyond this world!? A new world after this one!?"

Lazy Boy chuckled warmly. The Chief could feel the chuckle vibrate through the ground, through his soles; up his shins.
"My Child-Who-Was-My-Father, there have been, there are, there always will be, as many versions of this world as there are stars to be seen in the night sky. Every version was, is, and will be, slightly different from the next."

Seeing the Chief's eyes cross under the strain of contemplation, Lazy Boy continued,
"Do not over-think the consuming vastness of eternity. Instead, make sure to pass on the story of the Ang Kri Sta Tan Li Qi, so that the seeds of the seeds of your seeds, also continue to pass along the knowledge, for the link seems to have been broken. You did not know who I was. You should have known after I began to grow."

As the rest of the villagers caught up, Lazy Boy turned towards the dugout, pushed it into the surf, climbed in, grabbed a paddle, and began turning around the canoe.
There was no discernible verbal exchange between the giants, as there were also no
good byes or thank yous exchanged between Lazy Boy and his adoptive villagers.

Before having completely turned the canoe towards the horizon, Lazy Boy said,
"Remember always, that had you not fed me, had you given into your doubts, the world would have ended for you today. And Lazy Boy or not, you must always adopt any and all orphans of the world. Every child has the sacred right to be fed. This is your human duty. No questions asked."

And with that, the villagers watched the dugout shrink into the distance, until it seemed as if it was gobbled-up by the sinking sun.

As the sun rose the next morning, there was a slight tremor felt in the ground, as the duty was passed from one Lazy Boy to the next, but the villagers felt no fear.
Instead, they were filled with great pride, remembering all of the food they had offered to Lazy Boy.

Whenever someone says or does something extremely stupid, it causes Lazy Boy to giggle out-loud, for Lazy Boy's have a quirky sense of humour that way.
Whenever the stupidity of humanity causes Lazy Boy to giggle,
the ground shakes, causing the cities to crumble apart even more....
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  1. Date: 10/2/2012 1:36:00 PM
    wonderful story Chris...wonderful!

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  1. Date: 10/2/2012 11:23:00 AM
    I liked the story... you developed it very well and naturally held our attention... The gift of a true artist and writer.

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  1. Date: 10/2/2012 1:00:00 AM
    Enjoyed this Chris all I kept thinking of after half off it is how I love my Lazy Boy Sofa I could not live without it now, but really enjoyed this xx lol

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  1. Date: 10/1/2012 8:42:00 PM
    I'm not sure why, but I am reminded of the song, Nature Boy. Interesting social commentary. Subtle jabs. Keep writing! I am never sure whether your pen nips or purrs... it seems to do both :)Hope you took that as I intended.

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  1. Date: 10/1/2012 6:42:00 PM
    I love this. Is it yours, or a native peoples myth? I used to write myth/stories as a child. Wish I still has them.

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