Stream of Consciousness
I have never tried sauerkraut the name sounds as gross as the smell. Mother used to love it, her love of all bitter ideas, frankly that's her ruin: the annoyance of a woman who sees the best in all. That's why I hate most everything: still, we aren't so different. Oddly enough Dad thinks I'm just like him - which I am. our arguments are the worst; I clash more with mother though.Two strong-willed parents make an uneasy child, nerves and anxiety creating a false illness to live with forever. I am not a child anymore, I need to grow and develop myself. That's not even possible. I'm a mirror: what I see is what I am. What is put in front of me becomes me, flipped around in my own construed way. I was just like my parents, then my sisters, then my friends. Now I should be happy to be purely myself. The fear of who I might be holds me back. What if I disappoint myself, and deep down I am evil, dark, and secretive? Worse yet, what if I am plain and boring. My sense of superiority will crack, and self-doubt will seep in, and like a drug take over my life. That smell is disgusting.
Copyright © Courtney Thorstein | Year Posted 2015
|