Steven
He has the biggest heart.
He enjoys doing things for other people
Just because it’s the right thing to do, and
Knowing he made someone happy makes him happy too.
He’ll do whatever he can to satisfy
Everyone around him.
But what about himself?
He always says the right things at the right time.
He’s the first to console an upset friend
And take care of anyone who is in need.
Why doesn’t he take care of himself?
He’s the friendliest guy ever.
Everywhere we go there’s always someone
He waves to, or stops to have a conversation with.
Making friends for him comes so naturally,
It’s as if he was genetically wired to be so sociable.
The friendships he has made are valued to him
Like they are his very own gems to treasure.
But why doesn’t he value himself?
He can make anyone laugh with ease.
Anyone that has ever been in his presence
Can testify that not being amused, entertained,
Or laughing until your stomach hurts
Is never a problem.
His humor is addictive in the sense
That if it were a drug, just a taste of it
Would drive you insane.
How can he not see how much we love that about him?
He’s extremely motivated.
Always striving to get done what he needs to get done,
He lines up the necessary steps to reach his goal.
When he wants something bad enough
He will go out and fight as much as he can until
He is successful.
Does he know how much he is capable of doing in the world?
He’s like a protector to anyone he becomes close with.
Never have I felt the stomach-twisting pain
That fear tends to trigger when he’s around.
He’ll make sure that if anyone ever
Disrespects, hurts, or humiliates
The people that are close to his heart,
They will not get away with it.
Why can’t he protect himself the way he does to others?
He is the best liar I know.
He has a way of tricking anyone
Into believing even the craziest of stories
And they won’t have the slightest idea
That he is lying.
How can he not see that his lies are pushing us away from him?
He can be extremely manipulative.
His words can blind you and
He can convince you so flawlessly
Of whatever he wants.
Why doesn’t he realize he’s hurting everyone around him?
He has a drug addiction.
He craves the thrill and rush
Of anything that will alter his current
State of mind.
Saying no has never been simple for him;
It’s like his mind goes blank
And the only thing he can think about
Is how he can satisfy the urge to use.
Does he even realize what he’s done to himself?
He thinks he’s invincible.
Even after rehab attempts,
Multiple different occasions where jail time was needed,
Endless amounts of money spent on drugs,
Threats being made to him from gang members,
Numerous phone calls and text messages from people wanting their money from him,
And losing most of the people who have tried to help him over and over and over
He will not stop.
When will it stop?
He’s fully aware of how many people he is hurting.
He knows the affect his decisions have on others
And how his actions shatter the hearts of the people who love him most,
Causing them to put him in their past because they were sick of
Him hypnotizing them with words they wanted to hear instead
Or just telling them the truth.
He realizes how many people he’s lost and how deeply he’s scarred
Some of our hearts,
Leaving us no choice but to give up and move without him.
When will he realize that someday he could be doing this alone?
He relies on drugs to temporarily numb the urgency of his own problems.
It could be meth, heroine, or marijuana –
Or maybe morphine, ecstasy, or Adderall –
He’ll do them all and the consequences won’t falter his decision even slightly.
It’s a daily chore to fund his addiction
Along with mentally and emotionally distressing
Due to the constant worry of his health or
What he’s going to do while he’s under the influence.
Will he ever take control over his addiction?
He overdosed after an episode of binge drug use.
He was found unconscious and pale crumbled on the bedroom floor
With an empty bottle of pills to his left
And a syringe still supplying heroine dangling from his arm.
Why did he do this to himself?
He’s been in the hospital for days now.
The overdose has put him into a coma and
No one knows what will happen next.
Crowds of family and friends flow in and out of his room
Tucked away in the intensive care unit
Biting their nails, pacing the glossy floors,
Staring at his lifeless body, or crying until their
Minds grow restless and weak.
The doctors have no reassuring words to reduce our anxiety,
They only tell us to keep our heads held high
And pray for a miracle.
Did he even think this many people cared about him?
He’s been taken from us sooner than he should have been.
His eyes are closed and his body is finally still
And as I look down at him in his casket, trying to memorize
Every last detail of him I can into my brain,
I can’t help but wish that I were laying there with him.
Is this what he wanted to happen?
Maybe he finally realizes that his life could have been so much more.
We’re all gathering around him for the last time
Talking about the good times and the bad,
While tears stream down everyone’s faces and
The sickening feels of grief and sadness
Settle into our guts.
To lift our own spirits we lecture ourselves
That he is in a better place now that he isn’t
Battling his addiction, he isn’t in heaping piles of trouble.,
And he can finally be at peace with himself.
He never cared about the state of his own being
And his life has no slipped away
From all the people who were desperately trying to keep him alive.
Is he happy now?
-t.j.t.
Copyright © Tristine Thomas | Year Posted 2015
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