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Below are poems written by poet Daniexelle Eledwhen. Click the Next or Previous links below the poem to navigate between poems. Remember, Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth. Thank you.

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Rusted

The rain patters quietly on this rusted roof of mine
Steadily, heavily,
Constantly.
I search in vain for a light, however small
A lighter. A candle. A way to hold on.
Pitter patter pit, whoosh goes the wind.
Bringing the cold in, curse these walls of rusted tin!
For I am cold, feeling small with no light.

Quietly, increasingly, my heart starts to pine.
The support beams to my broken home begin to whine,
And as the wind blows stronger, it begins to hide my cries.

The wind wails, and my tin walls fall
I can’t even bring myself to crawl
Away from the wreckage
Away from the pain
Blinded by tears, I cannot see the light of day.
I am stuck here in this ruin of a house, forgotten and shunned by the happy and brave.

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  1. Date: 8/7/2015 4:38:00 PM

    Thank you for the comments, and constructive critism. valid points, Ian. I tend to write when i'm emotional-i was cryin when i wrote this. I admit, when I'm writing like that my biggest concern is if it makes sense, and that it flows well.
  1. Date: 8/7/2015 10:10:00 AM

    Wow, so powerful ... a harshly vivid reflection of sadness.
  1. Date: 8/7/2015 6:05:00 AM

    This poem really expresses the undescribable pain and isolation of loss and emotions laid bare against the elements unprotected. Also the disabling effect of sorrow inhibiting future direction. Powerful. Kind regards, Ian
  1. Date: 8/7/2015 3:49:00 AM

    perhaps " DRUMS INSISTENTLY" gives a great power line , that you then build on , with aplomb..xx
  1. Date: 8/7/2015 3:47:00 AM

    a very image laden write Daniexelle , however i think the word QUIETLY in line one needs to be stronger, to link the 3 strong words that follow , perhaps " insistently " ? xx Ian

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