I Will Be Queen
She smirked
With a remarkable resemblance
To Miranda Richardson
Playing Elizabeth the First
Just as soon as I can bump off
My new Sister-in-Law
Korporate Kate
That two bit Sloan
It shall be I who is
Next in line to it all!
I hear there’s a story about some
Princes, a Tower and a wall
Get that done it will be I
Who shall take the British throne….
Although I will have to brush up
Maybe take the Royal Tour
Incognito of course,
Paying special attention to the Tour Guide,
His story about the Princes, the Tower and the wall
Because really I don’t know anything about the British
Or the Royals, at all!
You just turn up, right?
PR Firm, Prince on your arm
Smile, say something scripted
Written by someone smart
That makes me sound
Like I actually have a heart!
And those idiot Brits
Pay Royals money!
For doing what exactly?!
The Brits, they’re so funny!
They drive Jags , wave flags, and pay me money!
And I get to keep my own wealth
Stashed off shore
Safe from the US and UK Tax Man!
And what this ‘marriage’
Will do for my flagging career!
OK and Hello!
They’re queuing up, right here!
There’s talk of a 6 page spread
ME on the throne
With leopard skin leggings!
And a post-marriage
Bikini body special!
Oh, I’ve died and gone to celebrity heaven!
But that will be before
I get knocked up
With MY air to the throne
All costs covered by
The dim witted
Taxpaying, flag waving British peasants
Of course!
So I will ignore my nagging doubts
That the Brits are already
Calling me Marie Antoinette,
And something about renting
A guillotine from France
What is this British nick name thing?
And why can’t my PR Firm control it?!
And why, when my back is turned,
Is Prince Philip
Counting the silver and
Checking my purse
Whilst banging on about
Some dusty old German Royal
Who sold her family jewels
During the last war
To feed the poor!
Dumb Bitch!
Why do that when you can stash
Your wealth safely off shore?
Well away from the Tax Man and the poor!
Isn't that what the Tax Havens are for?
So all I have to do
To make
MY DREAMS
Come true
Is to get that Hewitt Kid into bed
Although it’ll be Nanny dress up
And spank his little bot
Because he’s (still)
A little private school boy at heart
But apart from that
Oh it’s GUARANTEED to be such fun!
But will someone PLEASE PLEASE
Tell me
What the AMERICAN translation
Is for the British word ‘Cunt’?
Copyright © Anna Archichek | Year Posted 2017
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